this month is my month

Last night, after attending a 16-year-old's sweet 16, we went grocery shopping. $100 later and enough food to last us for a week-and-a-half, we stopped for dinner at Sonic. I ordered a double cheeseburger and tater tots. I knew it was bad for me. I just didn't know how bad.

There are 30 PointsPlus in a double cheeseburger. 30 PointsPlus. That's almost an entire days worth of PointsPlus. And the calories? There are 900 calories in the double cheeseburger.

At one point, I would have forgotten to log my PointsPlus. And my calories. But I made a promise to myself to be honest. So I logged all of it. The points on WeightWatchers tracker and the calories on MyFitnessPal. And I promised myself that the next day would be better.

I don't know I'll do with staying under 1550 calories every day or staying within 36 PointsPlus every day. But I do know that I want to make better choices. It's why I made a sandwich for lunch today and ate it along with an orange and yogurt. It's why I have Zesty Italian CrockPot Chicken cooking right now. It's why I can't wait to make my lunch and dinner tomorrow and the day after that.

I found out on Tuesday that it's going to be another month until I can go back to working my full-time job. At least another month. Hopefully just another month. Another month of physical therapy three times a week. Another month of being at home during the week.

Before the doctor's appointment, I was down. I felt defeated. But after talking with the doctor, and hearing him say I'm healing well, I feel excited. My quadricep muscles were worthless before the surgery. And now, with the surgery and subsequent physical therapy, there's a good chance that I will heal and be strong.

So I am taking this month for myself. I am taking this month to rest more. I am taking this month to write. I am taking this month to cook and track. I am taking this month to pray. I am taking this month to think about what I want. I am taking this month to enjoy the simple things.

I am taking this month instead of letting it take me.

it gets hard to take

Setbacks are inevitable. They're a part of life - both in the large sense and in the smaller, daily sense. I've been struggling with one specific setback recently. It's both large and small. Large because it impacts my life, and small because it has to do with every day life.

I've alluded to it in a few posts, but I haven't claimed it as a setback. Because I honestly wanted to be done with setbacks. I wanted this particular matter to disappear.

Right now, I'm determined to get rid of all this weight. I'm determined to be healthy and fit and happy. And I want nothing else to stand in my way. I've let too many other things deter me from my goal. And I refuse to be deterred again.

But there's something that's pushed me back. It's an almost unbearable pain in my right heel. The worst is in the morning when I first get out of bed. I have to hold onto the wall and limp my way through the house for a few minutes before being able to walk upright.

I haven't been to the doctor, but I've searched the internet and found the same diagnosis every single time: plantar fasciitis. Also known as a bruised heel. All the research I've found has shown me that two things cause it the most - running and shoes with poor support.

Technically, I'm more of a walker than a runner, but I like to consider myself a runner as I want to one day spend my time training for 10Ks and half-marathons. What I am doesn't really matter at this point. What matters is this almost unbearable pain in my heel that's preventing me from getting any closer to becoming a runner.

When the pain first started, it went away almost immediately once I was up and moving around. So I didn't think much of it. There was even a time when the pain went away. But now that it's as bad as it is, I'm seeing the importance (yet again) of taking care of myself.

It's a setback. This pain. It's not the end of the world or of my journey. It's just a setback. A setback in life and in running.

Running and I aren't exactly on the best of terms right now. While I want to run, I know it's physically not the best choice. So I stick with the elliptical. Even that is a little more tough than I would like to admit right now.

While I'm healing, I know it will be that much more important to watch my diet and to find other ways of exercising that are minimally weight baring. The research I've found says rest is important as is staying off the foot. My life is a bit too busy for that, so it's not really possible for me to just rest and stay off it.

So I have a choice. It's a choice of how and if to make myself a priority. It's a choice that will dictate how I go about the remainder of my journey. I can give up and decide I'll never be a runner or fit. I can think I did too much damage to my body - what with my bad knees, my bad ankle, and now this plantar fasciitis.

Or I can ice my foot. And take anti-inflammatories. And stretch out my foot muscles and leg muscles. The foam roller and I can become best friends (in the worst way possible) again. And I can pray. And I can believe in myself and make a promise to myself that I'm going to correct all these health issues to the biggest capacity possible.

I could see the big picture and wonder how it will all come together. Or I can take it one day at a time.

I can see this pain as the end. Or I can see it as a setback and only a setback. I didn't want to have any setbacks, but a setback is better than a "I give up." A setback is short-term. It's something I will one day overcome. It's something that will make me stronger in the end.

So I choose to make myself a priority. I choose to ice my foot and stretch it out. I choose to make healthy choices for food. I choose to see it as a small setback and to carry on.

(title from "born and raised" by john mayer)