why i will never say never again

I tend to be more of a black and white person. Things either are or they aren't. Simple as that.

Except it isn't as simple as that. There is more of a grey area than there are black and white areas. And that grey area is where I need to spend more time.

If I could learn anything when I was younger, it would be to never say never. Because the word never is an ugly word, a word that will make you eat all those things you said in the past. And even though I've heard from others to never say never, I just did not think it had any place in my own life.

I used to say (repeatedly) that I never wanted children. I also said I would ever get married. That I never wanted to get to a point where I would stay home from work. That I would never want to live in the suburbs.

Now, I'm married. I actually want children. And I live in the suburbs. So far, I'm three for four. And I'm a completely different person now than I was at the ripe age of 21 and 22.

While I regret saying never for myself, I truly regret saying never to other people. The word of never, when talking about what I don't want, hurts other people.

If I say I never want something, it means that I think it is wrong for my own life. And, even though I never realized it as a younger 20-something, it comes across as me thinking things are wrong for other people.

I regret all the times I said I never. And if I could go back, I would take all those things back. But I can't go back; I can only go forward.

And going forward I am going to stop saying never. Going forward I am going to be open to what the future holds instead of focusing just on what I think I want in the moment.