a little about me (influence network link up)

It's late in the day today. I've spent the majority of the day wanting to write but not knowing what to write. Writer's block.. it's a real thing. And it is so not my friend.

I considered doing Weight Loss Wednesday, but I need a break from that. The scale's not moving at all. Or maybe it is moving - just in the wrong direction.

A few weeks ago, I joined the Influence Network. I have been beyond blessed by the network and the forums in the short amount of time I've been a member. So, after a lot of thinking and sleeping through my alarm this morning and then watching a terrible movie, I think I finally have something to say and am linking up with a whole lot of beautiful, amazing women for The Influential Women Link Up.

The guidelines are simple: 3 things about yourself. 1 thing you've learned on the Network. 1 photo that you love of yourself.

1. Until recently (read: today), I thought I really never wanted to have kids. My husband and I have discussed fostering and adopting since our wedding in 2008. But I've constantly said not yet. I even mapped out a timeline for myself and how long I wanted to be married before having kids. And I never had that huge, heartbreaking desire to have children at home. I just didn't think it would ever happen to me.

A lot has changed lately. God's taken a rough, frustrating, exhausting, crappy situation (knee surgery) and turned it into a life changing experience. An experience that left me wanting to have a baby to love on. Does that mean we're going to jump right into starting our own family right now? Not necessarily. But it does mean that I know it is something I want. And that's something I know God will honor. In the words of Jen Hatmaker: If you are for the orphan, God is for you.

2. I will never be a runner. But I will be an athlete (again) soon. Still I will always and forever love doing things like The Color Run and The Dirty 30. I can't wait to take part in those activities once I am able. And I can't wait to remind people that they can still participate even if they aren't physically able to run.

(I chose this picture because it reminds me of how much fun I had with my mom when we were in Tulsa for The Color Run. And I look genuinely happy in it. Being pelted with colored powder does that to a person.)

3. When I feel like God is making clear the direction I should go, I often find myself stuck. Like right now (see point #1). I feel like He is opening up doors for me with writing and a few other items. Earlier this week, I was all set to write. But now that I have direction I am exhausted and battling a case of writer's block that is preventing me from spending hours upon hours writing.

It will pass. It always does. And I am teaching myself to push past it which would be a lot easier if I could consume countless cans of diet coke in the process.

4. I'm throwing in a bonus statement. Just because I feel like it needs to be said.

I am a social worker. At my heart and the core of my being, I am a social worker. It is hard and messy and exhausting and not something I delve into a lot. But it has (and is) preparing me for the rest of my life. I didn't go to college for it, but I truly believe God put me on this path for reasons I may never comprehend.

When the day comes that I am not working as a social worker, I will still be one at my core. This means I will always fight for social justice, for children, for the homeless, against human trafficking, etc. My faith is the only reason I've been able to be in the field for the past 5 years; drinking wine (which is what a lot of people do) just doesn't take care of the ache in your soul following the things I've seen.


The biggest thing I love about the Influence Network is the women who are a part of it. There is so much talent in the network. And it helps to bring out my creativity. I also love seeing so many people live for Jesus. That has helped me to be more bold in my faith, and it has reminded me of just how BIG God is. I'm excited to meet more people through the network and continue to share my life.

investing my life

Saturday was a big day in our house. One of the biggest since I had knee surgery in January. It left me excited for the future and utterly exhausted.

It started because I was bored. Beyond bored really. There's only so much Private Practice that a girl can watch until 10+ episodes a day gets to be too much. There's only so many different positions I can sit in over the course of a day.

We had plans that night to go out for dinner with an older couple from our church, but until then there were multiple hours to get through.

For some time, my husband and I have discussed the need for a new laptop or computer of some sort. Our plan originally was to purchase a PC a few months back, but then I hurt my knee and one of our dogs had to have surgery. We kept putting the purchase off and trying to make it with just my 7-year-old MacBook.

That all changed on Saturday. We simply couldn't do it any longer. Between overheating, the mousepad not working properly and a lot of first world frustrations, we knew it was time. Time to move forward. Time to invest in our future endeavors.

After some shopping around, and a lot of talking it over, we headed to the mall - me on my crutches and my husband excited that we got to park in disabled parking - and made one of the larger purchases of our married life.

I know it's an object. And that nothing is tied to it. I could have edited and written on my old MacBook. But something about having a new shiny MacBook Pro has inspired me. Rather than losing all understanding of how quickly the day passes while watching television, I've spent my time on the computer lost in the world of manuscripts and blogging.

During college, I wrote a lot. Most of it was for fun, but much of it was also for classes. I took courses in communication that demanded papers. My major was professional writing which meant I had to complete an entire novel in the course of a semester. While taking English classes, I wrote short story after short story. I also submitted pieces to an online publication.

I was committed to my degree then. I was invested in writing. And I always thought it would be that way.

But a funny thing happens when you graduate from college. At least a funny thing happened to me. The dreams I once had, while still very real, took a back seat to the life I saw in front of me. Rather than write stories, I wrote court reports. Rather than spend time working on submissions, I dedicated time to treatment plans. I still talked about writing as my dream job, but I didn't do anything to turn that dream into a reality.

It only got worse as the years passed. While I always felt more myself when writing, I simply decided I no longer had the time to do it. I chose to spend my time on other tasks... Tasks I deemed more important.

The time I've had off work has changed my thoughts. I've been drawn back into the world of writing and editing and creativity. I've realized how much a part of me the written word is and just how empty I have been without it.

So this purchase of a new Macbook Pro solidifies my commitment to writing and to myself. Once I'm back at work, I won't have the time to write as I do now. So until I return to work, I'm going to dedicate my days to writing and blogging and creativity.

We discussed our purchase over dinner. We also discussed my writing. I have a desire to write stories that mean something to people. I want my words to impact someone's life in such a way that they are left forever altered. I want my work and my art to point back to a Creator who is so much more than I ever will be.

Talking with our friends, I was hit by God's grace. They shared stories about their daughter who is a professor in theatre and how she has a desire to see more Christians on stage. How she has a desire to help Christians escape doing just Christian theatre. It hit me then how much I have a desire to write but not to write Christian fiction.

I want to write in a way that reaches the mainstream. I want the stories to be relatable and entertaining. But at the end of the way, I want the stories to remind people that they are not the end all be all. I want my stories to elicit a wonder in people that makes them think about things more important than worldly possessions and comparisons to others.

So that's what I've been doing. Working on one incomplete manuscript and editing another manuscript to send off to a beta reader.

Without this knee surgery, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have this time to dedicate to writer if not for an extensive surgery. Had I been able to go back to work after a week, as first (and stupidly) planned, I would still be living a life without actual words. There would be talk of writing but not actual writing.

We prayed about it on Saturday night. Me, my husband, and our friends. And in that moment, I felt it. This reminder that I've been given a dream of being a writer for a reason. This reminder that God is working to provide a way for me to just write.

These reminders continued throughout the weekend. Not just reminders about writing. But reminders of God's timing. His timing with my knee surgery, with our moving to a different church, with purchasing our new house, and with a few other things.

And I also remembered how important it is for me to be engaged. If I am not engaged in my life or my walk, then I can't grow. I won't see Him working. I'll miss all the beautiful things He does. I'll miss the future He is calling me to and instead settle for whatever I see in front of me at that time. I'll miss the provisions He is giving me.

There have been so many provisions during this time. Do I miss being mobile and busy? In a lot of ways, yes. Do I miss being independent? Yes very much so. Do I miss spin class and the elliptical? Yes. But when I had all those things, I also missed writing. I just didn't realize it until I had it back in my life.

The MacBook Pro is an object. But it is also an investment. Just like a gym membership is an investment and running shoes are an investment. And it's not the last investment I will make either. It's the first of many. Because from now on, I will be investing in myself and my life.

Linking up with Mercy Ink Blog for Heart and Home!

the girl behind the blog (a vlog!)

When I went to bed last night, I had no idea what to blog about. The majority of my day is spent inside my house right now, and while I can construct scenes and conflicts for fictional characters in my novel, I am finding it is becoming harder to talk about my life since it isn't all that exciting. I can only state that physical therapy is hard and exhausting so many times. And I'm guessing people are tired of hearing about my knee surgery in general.

I've talked some about weight loss, but that's also hard. I miss sweating at the gym. I miss going to spin class. I miss wearing work out clothes just to work out instead of wearing them all throughout the day.

Thankfully I stumbled upon a link up, so today I am joining forces with other bloggers and introducing myself, my blog, and what is on my heart currently in video (or as bloggers say vlog) format. In the vlog below, I share that this is my first vlog. That's only true if you don't count the Blogger Lip Sync video I participated in last year. Feel free to check that gem out. I'm the girl wearing a Santa shirt and singing my heart out in Starbucks and in downtown Oklahoma City.

You can also see a little bit of our house in the video. I have high hopes and plans to do a tour of our house once I'm able to enjoy our entire house instead of just hobbling or one crutching it from the bedroom to the living room to the kitchen and to the bathroom.

I am so glad you all stopped by today. Make sure to enter the giveaway for a $250 Visa Gift Card before leaving, and I look forward to sharing more about writing soon!