the prayer dare - husband edition

The month of love is coming to an end. During this month, I've participated in the Prayer Dare Amanda at A Royal Daughter created. What is the Prayer Dare (#PrayerDare on twitter and instagram)? It is a month long commitment to praying for (in this case) our husbands or other men in our lives. While I prayed for some specific things, I also followed the prayer cards created for our use.

Praying for someone else is... It's a selfless act. That's what it's meant to be. And what I realized through this last month is that often times I wouldn't just pray for him. Instead I prayed about him and about what I wanted from him or for him. In the past, I didn't pray over him or ask God what we should do in certain situations; I simply said how I though things should happen. And then I got mad when things didn't go the way I wanted.

Marriage is hard. Really really hard. It's work in every sense of the word. Ben Affleck mentioned that in his acceptance speech at the Oscar's when he told Jennifer Garner there was no one else he wanted to work with. That's how I feel about my husband. We're not perfect. Far from it. But there's really no one else I would work with or for the way I do with him.

We shared communion at our wedding. Just my husband and I. Our officiant, my husband's one time youth pastor, prayed over us. It was the first thing we did as man and wife, starting our marriage together in faith. I don't think that makes marriage any easier. It's still just as hard. Really... it might make it harder because there is so much more against us.

By praying for him, by praying for our marriage, I remembered the communion. I remembered our vows. I remembered why I married my husband and how much I want to work at this marriage and work with him.

I've written letters to my husband and posts about him in the past. I even wrote our entire love story out.  I also wrote two posts about different years of our marriage (two years and three years). Those things always stirred my affections for him, but those affections would eventually dissolve. By participating in the Prayer Dare, I actively sought to have affection for him - even on the days when I was exhausted and struggling. I had a lot of those days this month.

But he was there for all of them. Steadfast. Loving. Beyond patient. Kind. Sometimes frustrated but never mean. And it's not like I can blame him for being frustrated. I'd be frustrated to if I had to wait on him hand and foot as he did for me. Even through the frustration, he has stayed by my side and been my rock.

He's also been the primary caretaker of our dogs and our house - shouldering all the responsibility for the entire month of February. He's graciously put up with non-nagging (ha, yeah right) reminders to let the dogs in or out.

Like I said we're not perfect. He isn't and I certainly am not. We still argue. We've argued while I've been at home from surgery. I think it can be healthy to argue - to fight with one another and to fight for one another. Those arguments have brought us closer rather than driven us apart because they offer us a chance to get to know one another better.

And I've had more faith. By doing the Prayer Dare, I've spent more time in the word and more time going to God. I've remembered how important faith is - both in daily life and in marriage. I've seen God meet me.

For me, this Prayer Dare was perfect timing. It helped me to not worry just about myself but to be present for my husband. It helped me to thank him for everything he did. I thanked him for helping me get dressed. I thanked him for helping me get off the couch. For helping me get into bed. For praying over me. For bringing me dinner. For going to the grocery store. For buying me a MacBook Pro. For all the frozen yogurt from Braum's.

And the Prayer Dare made me see how much I need God. It reminded me of how broken I am. Of how imperfect I am. But it reminded me of God and how He is perfect when I'm not. It reminded me that I have a Father who loves me, and my husband, enough to listen to our prayers and answer them.

I'm so glad I participated this month. I'm so glad I spent the time to pray. I'm so thankful that I was able to get away from my injury, my recovery, my head and focus on my loving husband.

And I simply can't wait for this next Prayer Dare. I know God's got some amazing things up His sleeve for the month of March.

 

weight loss wednesday (week 26)

Good morning! I hope you are having a wonderful start to your Wednesday. I'm back for another week of Weight Loss Wednesday. I'm going to preface this week by saying that while I have done better with my eating I am finding that I am frustrated. Rather than letting the frustration define me, I am hoping to use the frustration as drive to get stronger.

I'm still hard at work in physical therapy. But I'm tired of how slow a process this recovery is. Maybe that impatience will help me to heal faster?

Last week, I shared about a few friends who reached out to offer me support. I'm still very much working on the rules we set out, so I thought it best to share how I am doing with all the rules.

Honesty. I'm being honest. I'm also measuring out a lot of my food. That makes a huge difference. Shocker, I know.

Balance. This week, I ate a fruit or vegetable with nearly every meal. I also made sure to eat different kinds of things. Sandwiches with yogurt for lunch. Turkey bacon with a single piece of toast and several strawberries for breakfast. It was nice to see color on my plate for every meal.

Trust. I'm so glad I'm opening up. It makes such a huge difference.

Forgiveness. I'm still eating more than I should be. Specifically carbs. Things like bread, pasta, and rice. Those have a lot of calories and a lot of PointsPlus. I need to substitute things like spaghetti squash for pasta.

Consistency. I've tracked all week. Not for every single meal but every day I've at least tracked one meal. It's a start and much more consistent that I've been in the past. I'm going to do even better this coming week.

I'm more excited today than I have been in months. I still have a very long road ahead of me as far as physical therapy and rehabilitation of my knee is concerned. Which makes all these rules even more important. Accountability to myself with what I am eating and how much I am eating is the only way I will lose weight.

Starting Weight: 265 lbs.

Goal Weight: 155 lbs.

Today’s Weight: I'm still not weighing in this week.

Total Loss: 42.2 lbs. (as of three weeks ago)

Pounds Left To Lose: 66.4 lbs. (as of last week)

What I craved this week: I've actually been craving fruits! Things like oranges and apples and strawberries. So delicious! And of course, I've still wanted ice cream. That's one thing I don't think I will ever stop craving.

What I noticed was different about my body:  It's honestly very difficult for me to look at my body. I am so unhappy with it. And I am even more unhappy with the fact that I brought myself to this place. It is my fault I gained so much weight.

It is up to me to change my body. It's up to me to make healthy choices with food. It's up to me to stock my fridge with fresh fruits and vegetables. It's up to me to keep track of what I am eating and how much I am eating. And once I am cleared to resume working out, it will be up to me to do it regularly.

Workouts planned for this week: Physical Therapy three times a week! I'm able to get around my house without crutches. When I walk, I'm being very aware of how I move. I think learning how to correctly walk will help me. I'm still a ways away from getting on a stationary bicycle, but I am getting there.

I also got the all clear from the physical therapist to begin doing some upper arm work-outs. I am still limited with what all I can do, so I am on the look-out for standing or sitting work-outs that utilize resistance bands. If you know of any, please send them my way!

Personal Goal(s) for this week: I have several. 1) I want to track everything I eat for an entire week - both on MyFitnessPal and WeightWatchers. I am interested to see how the PointsPlus coordinate with calories. 2) Start wearing my BodyMediaFit again. I am interested to see just how many (or how few) calories I am burning on a regular day at home. 3) Begin working out my arms. Just because I am limited in a lot of ways does not mean I need to limit myself everywhere else. 4) Start going out in public with one crutch. I did it today when I went to physical therapy, so we'll see if I can do it again over the weekend! 5) Drink more water. I need to set up a system for this because I tend to not drink a lot of water or any other kind of liquid.

Favorite Quote(s) for this week:

I wish every overweight person could step into the body of a fit person for one week, maybe just one day. I think it would be the catalyst for a new resolve. If you could "feel" the end, you would stay the course. -- Abby Rike, Working It Out

investing my life

Saturday was a big day in our house. One of the biggest since I had knee surgery in January. It left me excited for the future and utterly exhausted.

It started because I was bored. Beyond bored really. There's only so much Private Practice that a girl can watch until 10+ episodes a day gets to be too much. There's only so many different positions I can sit in over the course of a day.

We had plans that night to go out for dinner with an older couple from our church, but until then there were multiple hours to get through.

For some time, my husband and I have discussed the need for a new laptop or computer of some sort. Our plan originally was to purchase a PC a few months back, but then I hurt my knee and one of our dogs had to have surgery. We kept putting the purchase off and trying to make it with just my 7-year-old MacBook.

That all changed on Saturday. We simply couldn't do it any longer. Between overheating, the mousepad not working properly and a lot of first world frustrations, we knew it was time. Time to move forward. Time to invest in our future endeavors.

After some shopping around, and a lot of talking it over, we headed to the mall - me on my crutches and my husband excited that we got to park in disabled parking - and made one of the larger purchases of our married life.

I know it's an object. And that nothing is tied to it. I could have edited and written on my old MacBook. But something about having a new shiny MacBook Pro has inspired me. Rather than losing all understanding of how quickly the day passes while watching television, I've spent my time on the computer lost in the world of manuscripts and blogging.

During college, I wrote a lot. Most of it was for fun, but much of it was also for classes. I took courses in communication that demanded papers. My major was professional writing which meant I had to complete an entire novel in the course of a semester. While taking English classes, I wrote short story after short story. I also submitted pieces to an online publication.

I was committed to my degree then. I was invested in writing. And I always thought it would be that way.

But a funny thing happens when you graduate from college. At least a funny thing happened to me. The dreams I once had, while still very real, took a back seat to the life I saw in front of me. Rather than write stories, I wrote court reports. Rather than spend time working on submissions, I dedicated time to treatment plans. I still talked about writing as my dream job, but I didn't do anything to turn that dream into a reality.

It only got worse as the years passed. While I always felt more myself when writing, I simply decided I no longer had the time to do it. I chose to spend my time on other tasks... Tasks I deemed more important.

The time I've had off work has changed my thoughts. I've been drawn back into the world of writing and editing and creativity. I've realized how much a part of me the written word is and just how empty I have been without it.

So this purchase of a new Macbook Pro solidifies my commitment to writing and to myself. Once I'm back at work, I won't have the time to write as I do now. So until I return to work, I'm going to dedicate my days to writing and blogging and creativity.

We discussed our purchase over dinner. We also discussed my writing. I have a desire to write stories that mean something to people. I want my words to impact someone's life in such a way that they are left forever altered. I want my work and my art to point back to a Creator who is so much more than I ever will be.

Talking with our friends, I was hit by God's grace. They shared stories about their daughter who is a professor in theatre and how she has a desire to see more Christians on stage. How she has a desire to help Christians escape doing just Christian theatre. It hit me then how much I have a desire to write but not to write Christian fiction.

I want to write in a way that reaches the mainstream. I want the stories to be relatable and entertaining. But at the end of the way, I want the stories to remind people that they are not the end all be all. I want my stories to elicit a wonder in people that makes them think about things more important than worldly possessions and comparisons to others.

So that's what I've been doing. Working on one incomplete manuscript and editing another manuscript to send off to a beta reader.

Without this knee surgery, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have this time to dedicate to writer if not for an extensive surgery. Had I been able to go back to work after a week, as first (and stupidly) planned, I would still be living a life without actual words. There would be talk of writing but not actual writing.

We prayed about it on Saturday night. Me, my husband, and our friends. And in that moment, I felt it. This reminder that I've been given a dream of being a writer for a reason. This reminder that God is working to provide a way for me to just write.

These reminders continued throughout the weekend. Not just reminders about writing. But reminders of God's timing. His timing with my knee surgery, with our moving to a different church, with purchasing our new house, and with a few other things.

And I also remembered how important it is for me to be engaged. If I am not engaged in my life or my walk, then I can't grow. I won't see Him working. I'll miss all the beautiful things He does. I'll miss the future He is calling me to and instead settle for whatever I see in front of me at that time. I'll miss the provisions He is giving me.

There have been so many provisions during this time. Do I miss being mobile and busy? In a lot of ways, yes. Do I miss being independent? Yes very much so. Do I miss spin class and the elliptical? Yes. But when I had all those things, I also missed writing. I just didn't realize it until I had it back in my life.

The MacBook Pro is an object. But it is also an investment. Just like a gym membership is an investment and running shoes are an investment. And it's not the last investment I will make either. It's the first of many. Because from now on, I will be investing in myself and my life.

Linking up with Mercy Ink Blog for Heart and Home!

the girl behind the blog (a vlog!)

When I went to bed last night, I had no idea what to blog about. The majority of my day is spent inside my house right now, and while I can construct scenes and conflicts for fictional characters in my novel, I am finding it is becoming harder to talk about my life since it isn't all that exciting. I can only state that physical therapy is hard and exhausting so many times. And I'm guessing people are tired of hearing about my knee surgery in general.

I've talked some about weight loss, but that's also hard. I miss sweating at the gym. I miss going to spin class. I miss wearing work out clothes just to work out instead of wearing them all throughout the day.

Thankfully I stumbled upon a link up, so today I am joining forces with other bloggers and introducing myself, my blog, and what is on my heart currently in video (or as bloggers say vlog) format. In the vlog below, I share that this is my first vlog. That's only true if you don't count the Blogger Lip Sync video I participated in last year. Feel free to check that gem out. I'm the girl wearing a Santa shirt and singing my heart out in Starbucks and in downtown Oklahoma City.

You can also see a little bit of our house in the video. I have high hopes and plans to do a tour of our house once I'm able to enjoy our entire house instead of just hobbling or one crutching it from the bedroom to the living room to the kitchen and to the bathroom.

I am so glad you all stopped by today. Make sure to enter the giveaway for a $250 Visa Gift Card before leaving, and I look forward to sharing more about writing soon!