two steps ahead and staying on guard

Nothing comes easy these days - especially not words. There are only so many ways I can explain how hard it is to lose weight and how close I feel to giving up. There are only so many times I feel I can explain my newest plan of attack - especially when it feels like I can fail every single time.

It's not that things are bad. They aren't. So many things are full of good right now. But weight loss and exercise are not a pat of the good right now. They are there - in the back of my mind - but I haven't figured out how to fit everything into my new jobs, my new life. I want to - I just don't know how.

So many people use the excuse of "I don't have time to exercise and/or eat right." And lately I have become one of those many people. Because I don't have nearly as much time as I used to. But I know I do still have time - I just choose not to use my time for eating right and exercising.

I wish I could say that, by this time tomorrow, I will be back at it. I wish I could say that I have it all figured out. But I don't. I just know that one day I will be a little bit closer to having it all figured out. One day I'll be better at managing my time.

Until then, I'll be here - waiting for the words to come, spending as much time with my husband as I can, trusting that God has this all figured out (because I sure don't), and truly enjoying the work I am doing.

Life is beautiful. It's messy and not easy. But it is beautiful. And right now, even though I'm not steadily losing weight (or gaining any weight so that's good, right?), I am enjoying the beauty it has to offer.

(title from "eyes open" by taylor swift)

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