4/09/2013

foster care & adoption - it's a JESUS thing (also known as why i may lose friends & followers)

Lately, I find myself struggling. It's not a bad struggle really. Rather it's a spiritual struggle. I'm trying to rectify what the Bible says with the way we live our lives.

The Bible calls us to be missional. The entire preface of the Bible, the story of the gospel, is for us to GO. We are called to talk to people, invite people into our lives. So much of my life has been spent not being missional. Sure I've worked in positions that allowed me to help people. I've been a social worker. I've fought for children and families. I've helped individuals get through the tangled web that is the foster care approval process. But I've done all those things as my job, as what I say I am called to. Still I've been able to clock out and leave it all behind.

Stepping out in faith and beginning the approval process for foster care has shattered my ability to leave it all behind. Instead, I'm constantly fired up. I'm ready to take on this challenge. I want to share my story with people. I get angry when people say things about wondering why we're fostering. And I get protective of the 9,000+ children in the state custody of Oklahoma.

This is why I went to work for the state right out of college. This is why God entwined my story with Justin's. This is why I've been placed at the church we attend.

My heart is for the orphan. All of them. For the children who are forgotten. For the children who have never been loved. For the children who need someone to fight for them. For the children who, at no fault of their own, have been born into situations more difficult than we can imagine. And I've tried to think of how to express my heart without hurting people's feelings. I've tried to be understanding that foster care is "new" to people we know. I've tried to accept that we are weird because of how we're growing our family.
becoming foster parents
I can't really do that anymore. I'm sick of being understanding. I'm sick of smiling through hurtful things people say and then crying when I get home. I'm sick of not calling people on their lack of care for the orphan. And I'm trying to figure out what to do with these feelings. I'm trying to come up with the words. It's hard, though, to summarize how I feel about all these things.

And so I've had writer's block. Because all I can think about is foster care and orphan care. I'm consumed with fear, excitement, and God's peace over inviting two children into our family. I'm distancing myself from people who don't support us because I simply find it hard to be around them. And I'm determined to make sure that these kids, the ones in our home and the others in custody, know that they are loved.

If people are going to say hurtful things to me, ask me questions that sting, chances are I won't want our kids around them. Because I refuse for any child to feel that they are less than simply because of how they joined our family. And I feel like a lot of people look at those of us who foster as less than. Which is not how it should be. (NOTE: We have a lot of wonderfully supportive people. I thank God for them every single day. We could not do this without them.)

Just because you don't give birth to a child does not make you less of a mother. Just because a child may leave your home does not make them less a part of your family. Just because we're not having a baby of our own right now does not mean we are not parents.

I could honestly go on and on. I know not everyone is called to foster or adopt. But everyone is called to care for the orphan. So if you aren't one who wants or could foster or adopt, then support those who are.

(PS: For those of you who don't know, we will have two children in our home by the middle of May. A teenager and a toddler. We start our classes in May, we finally got our initial house assessment approved, and all of our paperwork is turned in. Any questions about our decision to foster? Feel free to email me. Want to help us? Feel free to email me as well. We have quite a few needs as the children that are in foster care generally enter homes with nothing. Want to help in other ways? Feel free to email me. I can give you a whole list of ways to help in Oklahoma.)

15 comments:

  1. I'm so excited for you Leslie! Two of my siblings were adopted through the foster system (my parents were foster parent's first)! I love that you are representing Christ and our own salvation by bringing children into your family. I know what my parents experience from others. I was only a teenager, so I kind of understand, but I've never been there myself. I'm so sorry people are being rude and inconsiderate. I admire you for all you are going to do for the orphans. Stay strong and thank you for setting an example :)

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    1. Thank you, Sara! You have no idea how much your comment meant to me. I love that your parents adopted and were foster parents.

      This whole process has constantly pointed back to the Gospel for me. We've had a lot of wonderful people supporting us as well!

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  2. I think it's so wonderful you are opening your hearts and home to children who need a family and that it is so unfortunate not everyone views it the same way. It is so admirable what you are doing, I wish I could find the words to express to you how much I love reading stories such as your own! Best wishes to you, your husband and the children you are welcoming to your family!

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    1. Thank you. For the comment. For reading other stories of foster care and adoption. And for cheering us on. That means so much to me (and us)!

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  3. I am so happy and excited for you!! I can't imagine why anyone would have anything negative to say about this, but you have my support! You are doing a work for the kingdom of God, and I know He will specifically bring the right children into your home according to His plan. Bless your hearts for opening your home!

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    1. Thank you, Amy! We so appreciate the support. I'm just glad that fostering and our story points back to Jesus!

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  4. A beautiful, heart-filled post. I too cannot understand how people simply just don't think about the orphan. Have you read Orphanology? That was a really powerful book for me. I'm in awe of you and your husband's dedication to this and very excited for you. This is so awesome! I'm shocked people are being negative -- that is crazy! Stay faithful and tune out those voices. You are doing what God called you to and He will work it out. Glad I discovered your blog and can support you in this journey.

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    1. I will definitely look into Orphanology! I love reading up and learning more about orphan care.


      And I am so happy to have your support!

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  5. This to be was such an amazing post for several different reasons :) First, my heart and passion is to adopt and foster when I am healthy enought to do so. I used to tell people that it was when I would get married but a couple of years ago the Lord really worked in my heart to be ready for when HE wanted me to! (yes, I am sure you can imagine the comments I get about being a SINGLE foster mama!) Second, your heart is sooo inspiring!! Third, I am sooo thrilled that I can be "apart" of this journey through your blog! Praying for you and the two kiddos that are soon to be in your household!!
    :) Rebecca
    p.s. - sooo many of us cheering you on!!

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    1. There are a lot of kids who do better in single parent homes. Some kids just can't be around men or women. So definitely go for it. And thank you! I am so glad you're following along and praying for us plus the kids.

      And I really appreciate the cheering on!

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  6. This is such a great post! I love it. I love your passion for these beautiful young people. I love your determination to do this & to stand up for it! B/c you are right... it is a mission! And we are called to be missionaries! The only reason i can think of that people would say mean things is b/c in their head they are trying to justify why they don't do bigger things for Christ. Why they don't put their money where their mouth is. Anyway, i am so excited for y'all & will be praying for you & your husband as you embark on this new journey!

    P.S. Your profile pic = kate winslet look alike. I think that every time i look at your blog & just had to say it! Haha. It's a compliment, though! I love kate winslet!

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    1. Thank you. Kate Winslet is gorgeous! I am so glad to have your prayers, and it's always nice to hear people are excited for us!

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  7. Welcome to the crazy world of foster Care. I just made a YouTube video talking about feeling alone in our fostercare journey. Come add your story to our foster care blog hop!!!

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    1. Where is the blog hop? I tried to find it. Can't wait to follow along on your journey as well!

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  8. Happy to find your blog! We've been fostering two years this July and have been blessed with with 9 placements :). (not all in our home currently, we have 5 right now :) ) I don't have a blog but if you ever need anything, please let me know :). .

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