friday's letters / dear friday (link up)

Dear Friday. You are the first Friday of 2013. And I am so thankful to finally see you. It’s been an interesting, and rather rough, week, but I am hopeful for you to the start of the weekend. Here’s to hoping for a quick day at work and then a good night’s sleep. I have lots of items to mark off my To-Do List this weekend.
Dear MRI. We will meet on Monday afternoon. I’m a bit terrified. Not of the machine or the process but of the results. I’ll find out what you show on Thursday afternoon. No matter what, I will remember that God is in control. He is bigger than anything (including injuries) and will walk me through everything.  
Dear Weight Watchers. Thank you for accepting me with open arms even though it took me so long to join. I lost two pounds on your PointsPlus system over the past week, and I am looking forward to losing even more in the coming weeks. I know you are the help I need. I am going to give you all I have. Also I love that fresh veggies and fruits have 0 points. That makes me want to eat more of the good stuff! I am currently loving blackberries, raspberries, apple slices, oranges, spinach and brussels sprouts.
Dear Bill Cosby. I found a quote of yours on pinterest and posted it to my facebook page. It says “Decide you want it more than you are afraid of it.” Thank you. I needed those words. I often let fear be the controlling factor over what I want; I always have. But along with having more faith this year, I promise to not let fear control me.
Dear Readers. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart for all the support. I absolutely love blogging, and I’m so glad to be committing more time to it. I am excited for 2013 and growing my blog. I love sharing my heart and my life with you all. And I love reading every single comment you all leave. I hope that 2013 brings you all the things you need (I say need because sometimes the things we want are not the things we need).
Dear Weight Loss. This time, you are mine. I’ve got quite a bit left to lose, but I promise it will happen. There’s no escaping me now. This body is ready to be rid of all the excess weight and problems.  

Today I am linking up with Ashley from The Sweet Season for Dear Friday. I hope everyone has a blessed day and enjoys their first Friday of 2013!

the light that's in the dark

How is it only January 3rd? This might sound like a strange question but the past day and a half have been more trying than they should have been.

going home. with a big incision.

I mentioned on Twitter and Instagram that one of our dogs, Rascal, had to have surgery. He had a large mass that we weren't sure was benign or malignant. It was progressively getting bigger and after his yearly check-up on Monday, the vet said he needed surgery. So I did what no dog lover ever wants to do: I dropped him off at the vet early Wednesday morning and left him confused and alone in a kennel while I cried my way to work. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

My husband found Rascal when he was less than 8 weeks old. He was abandoned on the streets, filthy (and stinky!) and followed my husband and Brandy (our other dog) home. I tried to get someone else to take him because I really didn't think we could handle or afford two dogs, but he was destined to be ours. Why do I tell this story? So you know that he has abandonment issues. And I feel like every time I take him to the vet or leave him elsewhere, he thinks I am abandoning him.

When I picked him up late yesterday, he had a huge line of stitches and I learned the mass was larger than expected. But benign.A hefty vet bill later, we headed home, and he rested. Somehow during the night, between dinner and my returning from a hectic night of being a social worker, he stretched the stitches and was bleeding and hurting and just not himself. So he and I slept (uncomfortably) on the couch. That was the only way I could monitor him.

And I don't think what I did can really count as sleep. There was some resting of the eyes but no real slumber. I was too worried about every noise and move he made.

When I left for work this morning, he was fine. The incision looked good. He ate a good breakfast, drank some water but not too much, and seemed to forget he had an incision to worry about. I'm just hoping and praying that continues until my husband returns home.

This might seem like a small thing. But our dogs mean more to us than I can even put into words. And Rascal? He has a special place in all of our hearts because of how we found him and because of just how much he loves us (we wake up to dog kisses pretty much every day and go to bed with dog kisses as well). Brandy, with all her anxious energy and need for constant attention, also has a special place. We love them equally but differently.

source

No matter what, I will not let anything steal my joy about the coming year. I feel like that's what the past few days have tried to do. Really, to be honest, I feel like that's what the past month has tried to do. But it won't happen. My God is bigger than any circumstance, and He will carry me through anything and everything.

While others wrote of their words for the year, I mentioned my song for 2013 because I didn't think there was a word that would culminate all aspects of my life. I stand behind that song. But I think I was wrong because there is a word that will and should culminate 2013.

This year, my word is going to be faith. Faith in God. Faith in His timing. Faith in His ways - even when they don't make sense to me. Faith in His callings. Faith.

With weight loss, I have to depend on Him for strength. With finances, I have to depend on Him for blessings and then depend on Him to help us use our resources wisely. With health, I have to depend on Him to walk with me when I find it hard to stand up. With marriage, I have to depend on Him to have grace, love, and respect for my husband at all times.

source

My faith is not weak. But I have not spent nearly enough time praying, listening, reading or just being still. That changes this year. Yes, I feel I am called to do all the things I do - work for a non-profit, work as a social worker at night, blog, be married, be in community - but God never intended for those things to keep me so busy that I don't rest in Him or look to Him for direction at all times (and not just when I am having a minor or major freak out).

That changes this year. I think that's why this year is going to be such a big year. Because He is going to be an even bigger part of it.

(title from "you are" by colton dixon)

PS: Link up with Jena and Katie for a little of This and That Thursday.

 

 

weight loss wednesday (week 18)

It's been a few weeks since I've checken in with y'all. It's been a few weeks of trying to convince myself that the number on the scale wasn't right. It just had to be wrong. After weighing a few dumbells on it, I realized that the number wasn't wrong. I'd just let go of any and all self-control.

That's one of the reasons I joined Weight Watchers. Even though I wanted to say I did it all on my own, I understand that I just wasn't going to do it all on my own. I also started to realize that I needed to stop focusing on weight loss and dieting and start focusing on healthy living and making these changes permanent.

I've also realized that Weight Watchers is not going to be a magical fix in my journey to lose weight (and never find it again). I am still going to be the one making healthy choices. I am going to be the one eating more fruit and vegetables. I am going to be the one doing the work. Weight Watchers will simply be there to help me and support me. I can celebrate my successes in meetings and also ask for help when I fail.

All that being said, I'm weighing in today and giving an honest number. I last weighed in a month ago. That means I have spent the past four weeks lying to myself and pretending I didn't gain weight. When I weighed in on December 5th, my weight was 216...

Today’s Weight: 223 lbs.

Total Loss: 42 lbs.

I've gained a total of 7 pounds from my weekly weigh in last month. And I am okay with that. There are a few things that contributed to the weight gain.

1. We moved, and I started using a different scale. The scale at my in-laws house was a little nicer (and probably not as acquerate).
2. I haven't worked out in... I honestly don't remember the last time I worked out.
3. I stopped tracking.
4. The Holidays.
5. I got hurt.

The good news? I am down 2 pounds from where I weighed in Saturday (and down 3.8 pounds from the Weight Watchers scale in jeans and tennis shoes). On Monday morning, I weighed in at 221 lbs and then proceeded to eat more than I should have (and drank just as much.. if not more). So I am back in the game and will see 216 soon!

What I craved this week: Diet Coke. I really wanted one when I saw Les Miserables at the movies yesterday. Something about the movie theatre makes me want soda. But I said no. I've been diet coke free for 19 days! Two more days and it will be a habit...

What I noticed was different about my body:  I am getting smaller - ever so slowly. Though my face hasn't quite caught up to other body parts...

I miss my muscles. Between wearing a brace on my left knee, not walking up stairs normally due to my left knee, and my lack of gym time, I've lost some tone. I need to get it back.

Workouts planned for this week: I don't have any specific plans. I do think I need to spend some quality time in the pool and on the stationary bicycle. I can also start focusing on upper body strength training.

Whatever I do, it needs to be low impact and help me to get back into the habit of exercise. It also would be great if I could slowly strengthen my knees without causing any (more) harm.

Personal Goal(s) for this week: Stay on plan!

I used all my weekly points (and then some) on New Years Eve between the alcohol and appetizers and food and dessert. So I am really watching what and how much I consume for the week.

I also want to make and hang inspiraton around my house. I've been doing a lot of reading lately about obesity and knees. For every pound overweight, there's an additional 3 to 4 pounds of pressure on your knees. So no wonder mine are so tired, sore, and hurt. The more I lose the less they'll hurt. I'm excited to (eventually) get down to a healthy BMI and weight.

I'm planning on taking my measurements this week. I ordered a fancy measuring tape from Amazon, so I plan to start using measurements as a way to track. That should be even better and more beneficial than the scale.

Favorite Quote(s) for this week: “Selfish isn't a dirty word. It means we take care of ourselves and are able to give back.” Jillian Michaels

“Part of abandoning the all-or-nothing mentality is allowing yourself room for setbacks. We are bound to have lapses on the road to health and wellness, but it is critical that we learn how to handle small failures positively so that we can minimize their long-term destructive effects. One setback is one setback—it is not the end of the world, nor is it the end of your journey toward a better you.” Jillian Michaels

Thanks again to Sam at The Ruby Turtle Hippie Times for this format. I am linking up with her, and you should too!

the proof that i leave

With the start of the new year, there have been reflections on the past 365 days and resolutions made. Others have mentioned the word they want 2013 to embody.

I thought about a word for 2013 but honestly I couldn't think of a word. I don't want 2013 to be about just one specific part of my life - be it my health, my relationship with God, or work. I want 2013 to be a year all about everything.

We celebrated the coming of the new year with friends, drinks, and good food. We sat around the dining room table and discussed our hopes for the new year. As I listened to everyone else, it struck me just how big of a year 2013 will likely be.

I've done a lot in my 27 years. The past year has been a year that has changed me and shaped me - all for the better. It has been a year that has reignited my love for social work and foster care. It has been a year that has reminded me how important love is to the world. It has been a year that God has been present in the darkest moments and in the brightest moments.

I have the feeling that 2013 is going to further change my life. I don't know exactly how that will happen or what that means. I just know that 2013 is going to be a major year.

And with it being such a major year, I can't assign just one word to it. But I've found a song that embodies what I want the year to be. A song that embodies what I want my life to be.

I stumbled upon it a few months ago, and it has stuck with me ever since. I hear it in my head randomly and remember the lyrics when things seem tough.  It's the song that I would have written if I were any good at writing lyrics and could put notes to paper.

It's called "I Was Here" by Beyonce.
The words are everything I want my life to be. They're everything I've always wanted my life to be. I may not change the world. And that's okay. But to make even the smallest impact on another life? That's why I'm here. Why I think we're all here.

2013 will be the year I lose weight. 2013 will be the year I write more. 2013 will be the year I love harder and better. 2013 will be the year I lean into and trust God with everything. 2013 will be the year I make a difference, the year I leave my mark, the year I gave my all and did my best. The year I leave the world a little better just because I was here.

What will your 2013 be?
(title from "i was here" by beyonce)