We moved into our house in January 2009. After six months of living in a small, old apartment and listening to our neighbors stomp and yell drunkenly. After a scare when we awoke to a fire burning in a building just feet away from our home. After knowing that many of the people living around us were involved in illegal matters.
It wasn't the house I first fell in love with. It was the second house. Tired of searching and ready to have somewhere to turn into a real home. Feeling like this was it. Big, a good price, nestled in an area that was gaining popularity.
It didn't take long for me to fall out of love with the house. To notice the creaks and the widening cracks. To feel the chill that came in through the windows. To know that we took on so much more than we could handle. And to wonder, for nearly three years, why it was that we felt God allowed us to buy this house that was obviously not something we could take care of.
We're still there. And I still cringe at the creaks. I eye all of the cracks. And I wonder how we will make this work. I pray for God to move. For something to happen. And then I wait. I don't do anything to turn the house into the home. I wave off all the kind things others say about the house. Then I point out the flaws. I talk about everything that is wrong and how I don't know how we will fix it all. I worry. And I don't trust.
I want the house to be the home. But until recently, I haven't wanted to do the work.
The temperature is dipping. We've had a few nights of lows in the 20s already. And I know I can't make it through another winter with the frozen air pushing through the windows and stealing any warmth our central heating unit and little space heaters provide.
So I made a choice. I spent the money and purchased curtains. I hung them first in our bedroom. They don't stop all of the cold air, but they help. And with the green and brown hanging over the windows the room was transformed from a dingy space to a bedroom I felt almost glad to call my own.
With a little extra money in our account, and curtains on sale, I spent much of Sunday hanging more curtains. Covering the windows in the dining room, the living room, and the study. Transforming those three rooms from somehwat decorated rooms to completed rooms.
I notice the cracks still. There's worry over how we will make it all work. And the house is still a bit colder than any of us would like. But it's a start. The beginning of taking the house we've lived in for three years and turning it into a home.
I'm not sure what will happen. If we'll be able to afford putting as much money into it as it needs or not. But I do know that, for now, I can use this home God has given me and find things inside of it to be thankful for.