lost and unsure i opened my hand
Even with that knowledge, with His whisperings to me that He is in control, I struggle with letting go. I'm afraid to be filled with excitement over where He is calling us because I am afraid of my heart breaking.
It's much like Valentine's Day. I spent years thinking of February 14th as an integral day. I thought it needed gorgeous bouquets of flowers and elaborate dinners along with expensive presents. I fell into the trap of feeling like nothing if I had no one to share the day with.
I know differently now. I feel that Valentine's Day now is not important. To me, love is important, but I don't need a specific day to make me feel loved or cared for. I need the day to day events and happenings to remind me of what it truly means to be loved.
Getting to the point has taken years. And I think it's much the same way with letting go and allowing myself to be filled with excitement. While I want to be able to fall into His arms and His plans, I'm tentative to let go of everything I know even though it's true that His way will be best.
(title from "forgive me" by missy higgins)