The break was needed and deserved. The past
Before the break, I was struggling. I had maintained my weight loss but hadn't lost any more pounds. I was still exercising but not twice a day at least four days a week. I was watching what I ate but was not recording what went into my mouth.
I stopped writing because there are only so many ways to say I am struggling and then to list my current struggles. My struggles are the same today as they have been through this entire process. So I took time. Needed time. Much needed time. It was time away from the computer and time spent with some of the people who mean the most to me.
The drive to my parent's house took almost nine hours. Generally, it takes a little under eight hours, but several accidents stalled us. We talked. My husband and I. About where we are in life right now. About where we want to be. About what we would do if we could do anything at all. The conversation was just what we needed. Lines of communication opened, and I realized there are certain things I need to stop.
I need to stop complaining. I need to stop focusing on the negative. I need to stop seeing my failures and missing my successes. I need to stop making I need to take more deep breaths. I need to push myself further. I need to see the positives and focus on the positives.
It's not easy to not complain. Human nature is to see those things that are less than perfect and to then concentrate on those things. Before the drive from Oklahoma to Texas, I was aware of my tendency to focus on the negative, but it wasn't until this particular conversation with my husband that I realized just how out of hand the negativity had gotten.
I made a decision during the drive to stop the negativity and begin focusing on the positives. And when there isn't a positive to focus on, my hope is to just remain quiet and keep my complaints to myself. I didn't do a perfect job while on our trip, but I did my best.
Once we arrived in Texas, and at my parent's house, I breathed a sigh of relief. There are many things I love and appreciate about Texas but driving in Dallas and Houston are not things I love and appreciate. But we made it. And once we were settled in, we left from my parent's house to eat real Mexican food.
Dinner that night set the tone for the weekend. We knew there was laughter to look forward to. And lots (and lots) of good food.
Over the weekend, we ate steak, shrimp, and lobster. And that was just dinner. For lunch there were leftovers and amazing hamburgers to be had as well as incredible chicken sandwiches eaten outside and overlooking the bay. For fun, my parent's took us out on the boat and into the bay. Justin golfed with my dad and my brother while my mom and I took a 2.5 mile walk and then pampered ourselves with pedicures. We also saw the Saturn Rocket and meandered through the Rocket Park before meditating/praying while walking a labrynth.
I was off work for the next week, but my husband returned to Oklahoma on Monday. Following his drop off at the airport, my mom and I tackled a large item on my list which was to purchase a new pair of shoes.
I bought running shoes a few months back and had hoped they would work for everything. But with sore knees and aching feet, I realized they weren't doing the trick. I also spoke with the instructor at the Zumba class I attend, and she mentioned that I should look into cross-trainers with a pivot point.
Seven stores later (and a bigger bill than expected), I found a pair of cross trainers. On Tuesday, I ordered a heart rate monitor (a gift from my Nana). I finally had all of the needed items to complete work-outs that pushed me.
I spent my entire time in Houston making better choices with food than I had during vacations in the past. I also completed several work-outs including another 2.5 mile walk/run, swimming laps, and Zumba.
Since arriving back in Oklahoma on Thursday evening, I've completed two work outs. I've watched what and how much I ate. And I've pushed myself by increasing weights and running on the treadmill. The pushing paid off, and I burned nearly 600 calories in an hour.
So, right now, I feel inspired. I feel strong. I feel like I can do this and that this truly is the time for me to do it. But I know that the inspiration and the strength is easily lost. I was there just a few days ago.
Inspiration will not always be there. I want it to be, but I am realizing that I can't count on inspiration. I saw a post about motivation while on vacation, and it stated that motivation isn't what a person needs. Instead a person just needs to start and keep going. So that's what I am doing. I am making a plan. And I am going to keep going - whether I want to or not.
So what is my plan? That's for the next post. For now, just know that I am here. I am not stopping. And I am going to kick ass this next week.
(title from "a little bit stronger" by sara evans)