when it hurts me most

I still don't know what my new normal is, and I've used that as an excuse this week. Everything changes after Friday when I leave one full-time job and head to the next full-time job. Knowing that I've allowed myself to slip.

I've consumed things I shouldn't. I've ordered the largest size of everything I could. I've ignored calories. I've given up on drinking water all together it seems. I've done everything I know not to do.

Every time I make a bad choice I realize it. I feel guilty for a bit but never guilty enough to not make the bad choice in the first place.

It's not okay for me to do this - to slip back and to forget all I've learned. I may have come so far but I still have so far to go.

I hate writing this as a blog post. Because I feel like I've said all of this so many times before. I feel like I should be past this point with more weight lost and back to craving salads again. But right now I'm not.

So it's back to the start in many ways. I can't guarantee a perfect restart on this day because I know everything will change, for the better, come Monday. But I can promise to make better choices and to be aware of the bad choices.

And I will make better choices. I will choose water. I will choose the healthy option. I will stop making excuses. I will love myself enough to do what is best for me.

(title from "no other way" by paolo nutini)