I've wanted to be the next Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson. Embarassing. But when I was in high school, I saw their lives and thought that was what I should strive for. Minus the shaving of the head and losing my mind and going barefoot into a gas station bathroom.
They had rocking bodies. Their clothes were amazing. And... they were (or had at one point) dating/married to two of the most attractive men God has ever made: Nick Lachey and Justin Timberlake. Who wouldn't want to be them?
I've also wanted to be the next Beth Moore. I've longed for the chance to write something that moves people. I've felt like I needed to be a big time author to make a difference.
When I started this blog, I started it with the intention of it blowing up. I decided I wouldn't be like other bloggers. I was going to write beautiful prose and words that moved people. And I was going to make lots of money and quickly.
That didn't happen. Thank God. In fact, my blog kind of bombed big time. By a lot of people's standards, it's still bombing big time. I mean... I don't make any money from it. I do happy dances when I hit 300 page views in a single day. I celebrate every new fan on Facebook and follower on Twitter.
But what I've learned recently is that the world doesn't need another next person. God doesn't want any of us to be the next anything. He wants us to be us and to serve the purposes He has set forth. Genius, right? Why didn't I think of that sooner?
It's been over 2000 years since Jesus walked the earth. 2000 years, people. That's a long time. And with so many years having past, it feels like and seems like everything has already been done. All the great theologians have already lived. We've had Whitney Houston, Etta James, The Beatles. Authors like John Grisham and JK Rowling have made billions of dollars. It's all been done. So it only makes sense to copy what has already been done.
Except God creates everyone to be different. And when people have wanted to be like God, it hasn't gone very well. What God wants is for us to be ourselves, to serve the purpose He has set out for us with our own zany flair.
Standing in the shower on Saturday, now that I'm showering more than once every 10 days (knee surgery is stinky, y'all), this all hit me. I remembered all the different posts I've written. How I've plastered them all over Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest. I thought about all the different bloggers who have talked about how to make money and grow a following. And while none of that is bad, it's made me lose sight of who I am.
God doesn't want another Beth Moore. The world certainly doesn't need another Britney Spears. And I love my husband more than I ever would have loved Justin Timberlake or Nick Lachey (though I would definitely give them my hand in marriage should I ever be a widow and they were single and following Jesus at the same time).
God wants me to be Leslie Knight. The world needs more authentic people. Your friends need you to be yourself.
It's easy to lose yourself in the world of technology and in a day and age when everyone is trying to emulate something. I've lost myself in it. I'll probably lose myself in it in the future. But then I'll be reminded that I can never be exactly like someone else.
And I'm here to remind you that you can never be exactly like someone else. Thank God.