we're bent by our own plans

thanks to click flash photos

Words seem harder to come by these days. Plenty of thoughts swirl in my head, but I struggle with how to put thoughts into words and words onto website. Some of it stems from wondering how much is too much to share. Some of it stems from just not knowing what to say. And lastly, some of it stems from simply waiting and asking for patience. There's only so much, I feel, I can say about needing patience and giving up worldly goods. The more I talk about it, the more I worry it loses its authenticity.

I know none of this is easy. But we are never promised an easy life or a comfortable life. We're promised a God who loves us, who works all things together for our good. We're promised that God will be present in every situation and that if we seek Him, we will find Him.

Right now, we are seeking. We know He is working. We know He has a plan, but we're not quite sure what it is. Not that it really matters that we know His plans; it just matters that we go where He send us.

I'm a planner by nature. I like to have a firm grasp on how things will play out and when things will happen. You would think that I would have learned that I can't have a firm grasp on everything, but I continue to struggle with clutching onto my timing when God is beckoning me to let go and to follow Him, to allow His timing to be the timing I turn to.

At church this morning, we sang about God's will being the will we ask to be done. Those words are often terrifying to say, and I've struggled with asking His will to be done because so often, I want His will to be my will. This morning, though, I allowed the words to whisper to my heart, and I let go. I hope I don't re-grip my will as I know His will is the one I need to work towards.

We don't know where He leads. But we do know that He is good and that He wants only good things for us. That is in His word and sprinkled throughout conversations I have had this week. I know He is working, shedding light on our path, and helping us to know where to step and when to stop, and I pray He is doing the same for you, leading you to where you need to go.

It's a leap of faith. This letting go and saying "thy will be done." A simple (but difficult and terrifying) leap of faith. We jump into oceans and lakes, trusting we won't crash into rocks or be swept under the water, so why do we struggle with jumping into the life He has planned for us and then following the path He laid out?

Sometimes, for me, it's because I feel alone. Because I'm scared I might be wrong about where He is calling me. Because I don't know if I can actually do it. Then, I remember, that it's not about me; it's about Him. And even though I feel alone, He has equipped me with people to help me, to pray for me, and to love me. Sometimes those people are friends; other times they are people I meet one morning who tell me that they believe God wants to use me (and my husband) to do something great, that He wants to bless us.

So if you feel alone and need or want someone to pray for you as you take a leap of faith and travel the path He has set for you, feel free to email me. I don't have much figured out other than the fact that God loves you (and me and all of us) and that He wants what is best for us - even if we have to travel a long and weather road to arrive at His destination.

(title from "it's out of my hands" by jars of clay)