hope is springing up from this old ground

suttons bay, mi sunset.

A little over a month ago, the most amazing thing happened. It was (and still is) unlike anything I have ever experienced. The events of that night changed my life then and continue to change my life now.

For one, I appreciate both the sunrise (which I see on my way to work in the mornings) and the sunset more thna I ever have. I now see those daily events as a remind of God's beauty and His promises. I also see those daily events as a symbol of how, no matter what the circumstances, life continues on. The sun will rise and set no matter the weather, no matter the horrible situations of the world, no matter how willingly (or unwillingly) I get out of bed. There's beauty in that, so much beauty. Sunrises and sunsets are also a reminded that after the darkness there is light. Always.

That night continues to come back to me. Sometimes it sweeps over me and fills me with grace and wonder and love. Sometimes, when I remember, I am filled with impatience and wondering when those promises will come true. Last night, and then this morning when I made coffee and lunch for my husband, I was filled with impatience.

Impatience. And frustration. And discontent. And anger. Then more impatience, more frustration, more discontent, and more anger.

In the past, I've asked for these feelings to be lifted from me. I have asked for direction. And I've gotten some relief and some direction. This morning, though, as I laid in bed with the dogs and remained warm under the covers, I told God about how much I wanted to go out and spend money. I was open with my anger and my frustration. I explained that I was not strong enough to do any of it on my own. I said I wanted to do things my way, in my time, but that I couldn't anymore. And He met me right where I was.

Actually, that's a lie. He more than met me. He showed me my past mistakes, my past attempts at doing things my way (and how they ultimately failed). He then showed me His grace and how, even though I didn't wait for Him as He asked, He loves me enough to care for me even when I push away from Him.

Then, He made me a promise. In my sleepy stupor, He promised that everything would be all right. He promised that He would care for the brokenness, and that He would step in. I'm not sure how it will happen, but I know it will happen. And really that is all I need.

I also know that with this promise comes responsibilty. I have a responsibilty to Him and to follow through with the things He has laid on my heart. Things like living in minalism. Things like pursuing Him and not things of the world. Things like opening my home to others and loving people where they are.

I'm not strong enough to do any of this, but He is. Just as He makes the sun rise and set every day, He will meet me every day I ask and provide me with the strength I need. He will also provide me with the clarity I need, and He will remove the fear I have over letting go of the things of this world in order to make more room for the things of Him.

I won't be perfect through it all, but He will be. I won't be a beautiful sunrise every morning or a peaceful sunset every evening. But He will work through all of my dirt, dust and pollution; and He will clear it all away to make room for a beautiful sunrise and sunset.

(title from "beautiful things" by gungor)