weight loss wednesday (week 9)

Today’s Weight: 222

Total Loss: 43 (I lost 2 pounds over the past week!)

What I craved this week: Jason's Deli frozen yogurt. Which I have eaten when I've had lunch (or dinner) there. I've done really well with only having one serving of frozen yogurt, and I have slowly diminished the size of the serving. I haven't eaten anything fried in over a week, and I do not miss it. I've heard lots of people say that once the food is out of your system it gets easier. I never really let it get out of my system, but now I understand.

I don't think making good choices is always easy. Take Tuesday for example. I had lunch with a friend. She ate a margharita pizza while I stuck to half a salad and soup. I would have preferred pizza, but I enjoyed the soup and salad. And I knew I was making the right choice for me.

We went to dinner Tuesday night as well at a local restaurant that specializes in hamburgers and pizza. Again I would have loved pizza. Or a burger with french fries. But I wasn't craving it. And I didn't need it. So I enjoyed a turkey sandwich with avocado, a cup of baja chicken tortilla soup, and a cup of steamed veggies. And I felt full. It's great to feel full while fueling my body with good food.

One day I will be able to moderate how much I eat, but right now, I want to eat as much as possible so healthy choices it is!

What I noticed was different about my body: My stomach isn't super bloated by the end of the day. This is huge for me. I am so used to it being much bigger at the end of the day when compared to the mornings. But when I eat better and drink better (no fried foods and no diet soda), my stomach tends to stay about the same size which I love.

My waist is also getting smaller. My legs stronger as well. I love being able to see the changes. But there are other changes I feel but don't see. Like I know my body better. I know what I need to do to burn calories. And I know I have to push myself more because I am capable. No more fear standing in my way.

And... I lost two pounds this week. Did I already mention that? I think I am a little (okay a LOT) excited!

Workouts planned for this week: I completed a total of five work-outs last week. This week I am hoping for six. I'd like to continue to incorporate more strength training as well. I plan to continue with an ab, butt and thigh work-out I pinned and to hopefully find more arm work-outs. I'm ready to see more muscles and less flab! I would also like to complete at least two 5K's on the elliptical as I completed one 5K on the elliptical on Tuesday of last week (aka yesterday).

Personal Goal(s) for this week: Continue to track. I hate tracking. But I know it works. I do not limit my calories well, and I'm not the best at "guessing" how many calories everything has. Tracking takes all the guesswork out and forces me to stay where I need to be. I would also like to have at least three days where I burn over 3000 calories. Burning that many calories leaves me with a very nice sized deficit which is exactly what I need to see weight loss on the scale. I had two days of over 3000 calories burned, and I loved how accomplished it made me feel.

I would also like to schedule a time to hit the pool. I swam for years, and I know how good of a work out it provides. I would really like to spend at least 30-minutes every week swimming away the pounds. It's up to me to decide when to do this and how to fit it in. I'm going to make sure to do it this week; I am (currently) hoping I can fit it in early Friday mornings.

Favorite Quote(s) for this week: "Transformation is not five minutes from now; it's a present activity. In this moment you can make a different choice, and it's these small choices and successes that build up over time to help cultivate a healthy self-image and self-esteem." - Jillian Michaels

What I'm looking forward to: Working out more. And feeling it the next day. One of my favorite, and least favorite, parts about working out with a trainer was how sore I was the next day. Being sore meant I had pushed myself the day before. Now it's up to me to push myself - without getting hurt. I can't wait to feel (and see!) the effects of pushing myself more each day.

grow tall and strong and proud

On Sunday afternoon, we loaded up our car and headed to Norman, OK to walk a small trail. My knee was throbbing for some reason, so my mother-in-law joined us and handled one of our dogs while my husband handled the other dog.

Walking the trail was beautiful. I needed the chance to get outside and move. I was able to just enjoy activity and movement instead of focusing solely on hitting a certain number of calories burned as I so often do when I put in my twenty or thirty minutes on the elliptical.

The hardest part of the trail, for me, was not holding onto a leash for the majority of the walk. I so easily get nervous when walking our dogs that I lock my knees. And I worry about every bump in the road, every tug on the leash, every jerk the dogs make.

And I didn't run. I watched my husband, my mother-in-law, and my two dogs run on ahead of me while I stayed back and walked. I thought about running, but I was afraid - even without a dog's leash to trip over.

So much of my weight loss has been hindered by fear. Fear of success. Fear of failure. Fear of what weight loss will change in my life. And fear of running.

It seems as thought much of my life has been spent recognizing and dealing with bad knees. I had my first knee surgery in junior high, and then the summer before my freshman year of college, I had a second knee surgery. Both my knees are bad. Both my knees have been operated on. And both my knees aren't quite as strong as they should be.

I so badly want to run. And I've spent some time running on the treadmill and a bit of time running during my several 5k's, but I have not committed to the sport out of fear. Every so often, when I'm running, I will feel my knee cap move and almost give out. That didn't happen today, but my entire knee has been throbbing almost all day.

Getting rid of the excess weight can only help. And concentrating on walking more, getting accustomed to uneven terrains, can only help as well.

I think I also need to let go of the fear. I just don't quite know how to.

I've tried the Couch to 5K program, but I never make it through the whole program. It seems just impossible to run for that long with these knees of mine. I honestly worry that my body is not capable of sustaining a long run though I truly want to be able to call myself a runner.

I'm not sure what the future holds with running. I don't know if I'll ever be able to run a half-marathon or a 10K or even a 5K. But I do know that - somehow - I have to move on from my fear and learn to trust my body and my knees. I'm just not sure how.

(title from "sort of" by ingrid michaelson)

hello monday (week 2)

Hello, Monday. I'm hoping you will be a great start to an even better week. Hopefully you feel the same way too. The weekend was filled with laughter, time with my husband, and lots of sleep. All the things I need in order to start the week off right.

Hi, husband. I loved seeing you all dressed up on Friday night. I just wish we had taken a picture. Guess it's just another reason to get dressed up again soon. Maybe in two weeks when we go out on a fancy double date?

Hello, work week. Let's make sure it's a good one, right? I know I have a lot to do. Maybe too much, but I'm going to do my best to fit everything in.  

Hi, new house. You have electricity! And brick on part of the house! It's almost like you're ready for us to move into. And I can not wait. I'm so excited to paint your front door a bright blue, decorate you for Christmas, cooke turkey chili in your kitchen, and spend lots of time sitting in front of the fire. Can we just call you ours already?

Hello, gym. I'm really glad we are back to becoming close friends. I love spending time with you, and I have every intention of making our time together a daily occurrence. Here's to hoping I will soon feel even more comfortable lifting weights. I'm ready to buff up and trim down even more!

Hi, husband. It's me again. We're just weeks away from our new house; can you believe it? Can't wait to spend lots of nights in with you! Also can't wait to buy new furniture, a new washer and dryer, and of course a new TV. It's almost like we're real adults or something.

Also, today I am linking up with Meg for Mingle Monday. Come join us!

high five for friday (link-up)

This week hasn't been the easiest thanks to giving up diet coke and diet dr. pepper while battling a cold/upper respiratory infection. But this week has been wonderful. So I am linking up with From My Grey Desk and giving a high five to Friday!

1. I didn't eat any fast food this week. At least not the kind that McDonald's serves. I stuck to places like Jason's Deli and Panera Bread. And I stayed within my calorie range every day this week. A huge accomplishment for any week (weight loss is hard!) but an even bigger accomplishment when all I really wanted to do was eat lots of macaroni and cheese... (And for those wondering, I track what I eat with MyFitnessPal and wear the BodyMedia Fit to track my activity [I forgot to wear it Thursday so it does an approximation of calories burned; I know it's off by several hundred]. The combination of the two is what is helping me succeed. I feel so accountable to myself, and I can tell how much better I feel already!)

2. I haven't had a coffee or a diet anything since Sunday. I've been drinking water and green tea. There were a few times I almost caved - especially since I somewhat convinced myself that I was more sick because I was withdrawing from the bad for you diet sodas. But I didn't give in.

3. They (finally) started wiring our house with electricity this week! Originally it was supposed to be wired last week but there were some issues with the electrician. Our builder called me on Wednesday to give me the bad news that they didn't know when the wiring would start. Lots of talk abotu contracts and permits and the city. I was a little (okay a lot) frustrated. And I might have talked about it with people. But then, just a few hours later, the builder texted me a picture of an electricians van parked on our soon-to-be driveway. Closing is still pushed back I think, but we're moving along still. So our house continues to teach me about patience, and God continues to remind me that He has it all under control and that I need to stop freaking out.

4. I blogged this week. Four posts total. It's been a long time (too long!) since I made my blog a priority and that has got to change. I tend to do better with everything when I am blogging. Maybe it's because I feel more accountable? Not sure. But I do know I feel more like myself when I'm writing and engaging and just doing something for me.

5. I've run/walked a total of five miles this week. Some were with the dogs around the neighborhood and some were on the elliptical. I almost didn't go to the gym yesterday because I just didn't want to, but I had the time so I made myself go. Best decision I have made this week. It helped me realize that I have to do these things -- eat right, exercise, drink water -- even when I don't want to. I know that's not mind blowing but for me it was. I've thought about it before but never practiced it or claimed it as knowledge.