leave this broken past behind

We celebrated the end of 2011 and start of 2012 with friends. There was wine, snack food, and hours of laughter provided by the game Bang. A little after midnight, we packed up, headed home, and fell asleep, cuddled with our dogs by 1:00am. The alarm went off at 8:00am, and we groggily moved out of the bed, through the house and off to church.

Several weeks ago, we started talking about what we wanted out of 2012. It was a conversation that started with our C-Group. Together, my husband and I decided that we wanted to spend more of 2012 in pursuit. Pursuit of each other, pursuit in our friendships, and pursuit in our relationships, both together and individually, with God.

After church, we spent time resting on the couches of my in-law's house, waiting for lunch, and discussing what our individual goals for 2012 are.

The goal we have together ties into our individual goals because, without pursuing each other and God, we won't be able to meet our own goals.

2012 so far hasn't been what I expected or hoped it would be. I know that life doesn't change overnight. It's a matter of making choices, daily, that will help to turn 2012 into what I want it to be. The choice I'm making right now is to be okay with things not going as hoped or expected.

I had plans for this Monday off of work. The plans included a sweaty work out, cleaning the house, cooking dinner, baking cheesecake, reading, and some writing. Instead, I spent the day resting on the couch or sleeping in bed - though I did get cheesecake baked and lots of The Mortal Instruments read.

I texted my mom about my sudden sickness and how I treated myself to homemade macaroni and cheese (my comfort food of choice) that tasted almost as good as hers. Her response was that sometimes sickness is what gets us to slow down when we need it.

And I did need it. My body knows me better than I know myself, and I'm not always good at listening to it. But I am trying. So today, I allowed myself to be sick and rested. I thought about how I've already failed at round two of the South Beach Diet - a culprit of the holidays, being sick, and poor planning.

There is tomorrow to look forward to, and the chance to start over again. I'm not sure I will make it to the gym tomorrow, but I know that I'm going to do my best to get back onto the healthy living train.

That's the beauty of the month of January. It's a month of beginnings. It's a month of making resolutions and not allowing setbacks or mistakes to determine success of failure.

But, really, resolutions should not be meant for just January. I've let it be that in the past years. I've even done that recently - telling myself that it's okay to eat poorly because January is on its way and I can start over then. But starting over is something that should be done whenever it is needed. It should not be reserved solely for the beginning of the year.

That's going to be my theme for 2012. A year of starting over whenever I need to. A year of not giving up or putting things off. A year of pursuing the things that are important to me and to my family. A year of being as honest as I can about my struggles in weight loss, my walk with God, my life with my husband, and anything else I might feel I should share.

This is the year. I've heard that from so many people, and I am so excited to see what that means for all of us. Where it will take us individually and as a whole.

2011 was hard for many of us, but that difficulty, as I've said before, will give us something to compare 2012 to. And even with the difficulty, there was a lot of beauty and wonderful things. I can't wait to see what all beauty and wonder 2012 will hold, and I can't wait to take whatever struggles might come my way and turn them into positives.

My first Monday of 2012 might not have happened the way I planned, but it happened the way it needed to. And now I feel refreshed, rested, and level-headed. I feel like I'm ready to get back into a healthy life and ready to open myself back up without worrying about what others might have to say.

Here's to hoping that your 2012 has started in the way you need - even if it wasn't the way you planned.

(title from "some other time" by tony lucca)

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