I spent Friday night caring for a rambunctious three-year-old. Tonight my husband is at work. I spent approximately four hours watching The OC, and now, I am watching The Last Song and doing my best to edit my novel.
I finished the novel my senior year of college. It was for one of my major specific classes, and I wrote it immediately after returning from a summer spent working at a Christian camp for a month, then teaching in China for a month, and finally relaxing in Michigan for a little over a week. That summer changed my life then, and it continues to change my life. It was the only thing I could think to write about at the time, and revisiting the novel now is like revisiting an old, distant friend.
Some of the writing is good, and some of it needs work. The story itself tugs at my heart, and my mom told me it hurt her to read it because she could feel the pain of returning from the summer. I remember speaking with a professor at the end of the semester and then again right before I graduated. He told me it was a story that could be published. There was still work to be done, yes, but he sensed that it had the makings of a successful novel.
This professor described the novel as a coming of age story in reverse. While so many travel in order to find themselves, the main character in the novel returns from her travels in order to find herself.
I'm still finding myself. My coming of age story continues to occur even at twenty-five-years-old and married. But maybe that's the point; maybe it never really ends, but we just stop keeping track of all the things that shape our lives.
So much continues to happen in our daily lives. At the beginning of the week, it felt like God was moving in big ways. There were job interviews and contact with our former realtor. We felt as though doors were opening and soon our troubles would be distant memories. We praised God for His timing and His willingness to help.
It is the end of the week now, and we are still waiting. We are waiting for job offers to come from the interviews, for answers to come from our realtor, for solutions to our concerns and for ever lasting peace for our worries. We are both ready for things to happen, for miracles to occur, but we know this might take time still. We know that God sometimes answers questions with a whisper rather than a roar, and we are doing our best to train our ears to hear His whisper.
He has whispered for so long that I need to write. I've loved writing since I was a little girl. I have spent days, maybe even months, creating worlds and typing stories. Some I have shared. Others I simply saved to my computer.
I've heard from others that I need to write. I've been told that I could make it as a novelist, that I have the talent it takes to write successfully. And I have ignored the words and the whispers out of fear and out of uncertainty.
I'm stepping out in faith now, though. I am putting my fears as far behind me as I can, and I am going for it. I have Writer's Market 2010 and other books which detail how to go about publishing a novel. I have a hard copy of the novel, highlighters, and colored pens.
I don't know what will come of it, if anything, but I know this is something I must do.
(title from "when i look at you" by miley cyrus)