learning to be brave

picture found here.

I slept until seven this morning and then took my time getting ready. Instead of rushing out the door and then making a thirty minute commute to work, I enjoyed the house, took out the recycling, and then made my way from the house to McDonald's for an iced coffee and proceeded to drive five minutes to a day long conference.

Over the past week, I've attended two workplace conferences. Last week it was a two hour lunch conference, and this week, it was a day long event. Both spoke on balancing life with work and home. They also talked about communication and about contentment.

I enjoy these kind of events. There's something about bettering yourself that excites me. Even when I am familiar with the information. Maybe it's the break from my normal job duties. Or maybe sometimes I just need a reminder of how to navigate this thing called life.

And even though these events are tailored more for the work place, I walk away with more knowledge on my personal life. I leave with a feeling of wanting to change things. Something settles into the pit of my stomach and remains in place until I give it the time it deserves.

Today there was much talk about communication. We discussed how to listen and how to respond. We talked about taking time outs from arguments. But the topic that stuck out to me the most was that life is a series of choices. Sometimes we decide on those choices and sometimes we slide.

At 25 (26 in under three weeks), I've made many decisions. For example, I decided to get married. But I also feel like I have slid into some choices.

Over the past few months, I've struggled and wrestled with what I want out of my life. I've been frustrated with where I am and where I am not. I have wondered when things would change. I've prayed for this or that to happen. I've cried quite a few tears as well. But for most of the past few months, I didn't truly made the decision to do anything about it.

And then last week happened.

It coincided with the first conference. The one that lasted for just two hours. Nothing specific was said. There was not one moment of extreme clarity for me. But it reminded me that I can (and should) do better than I had been in the past.

And making those decisions? It's hard. My knees pop and crack during zumba. I feel ridiculous walking into the gym. I wonder if this is even worth it. But those decisions? They also inspire me. I feel stronger than I have in months. Even though so much of the situation is the same, I feel I am better prepared to handle it.

So right now I am deciding. Deciding to write. Deciding to believe positive feedback. Deciding to disregard the negative comments in my head. Deciding to determine what I want out of life. Deciding to go after my dreams.

What decisions are you making?

(title from "crystal ball" by pink)