One of the most difficult things, I think, about our current situation is how stuck we feel. I can not fully speak for my husband, though I am aware of his opinion on most things, but I feel trapped at this particular times. Many of our friends have plans for the three-day weekend. The plans include road trips, barbeques, outtings at the lake, and other fun-filled events.
I understand that eventually, hopefully, we will be able to enjoy those things. But currently we are stuck.
I have three days off work, but my husband unfortunately has three days filled of work. His current field requires staff to work 24-hours-a-day and 7-days-a-week. We wouldn't be able to afford a trip or fun-filled event otherwise, but if he worked in a different field, we could at least stare at one another instead of just at the dogs and our dusty, dirty hardwood floors.
Still, I am intent on making the most of the weekend. My plans include cleaning our dusty, dirty hardwood floors (and the rest of our dusty, dirty house), watching more episodes of The OC than is healthy, further work on my novel, napping with the dogs, and hopefully enjoying some time with friends.
I am also hoping to find a park or outdoor spot not overrun with children where I can spend some quality time journaling, praying, and writing down scripture.
I've kept a journal for as long as I can remember both the paper kind as well as the livejournal kind. I also had a few other personal websites as a teenager that chronicled my life and hosted a few choice pieces of fiction. As far as I know, those websites have been swallowed by the Internet and will hopefully never be found again. If they are, I hope they are discussed when I am famous enough to laugh off the embarassingly emo words while discussing my life and inspiration with whoever will be the next Oprah. Please, Lord, let it happen that way.
Most of my paper journals are half empty and tucked into a box in my parents house. Those kept on livejournal or other websites were abandoned for a new layout and site name whenever I grew antsy. The new, current paper journal I now have, however, I am determined to fill with words, with verses, with sermons from Frontline Church, with thoughts on writing and etcetra. I want a place to come back to in a year where I can see how both my heart and my handwriting changed.
Also, I want to be able to follow my progression of prayer. I know that it has progressed quite a bit from God where are You to God it is so good to feel You, but I want to be able to truly see the progression. I also want to be able to see how prayers were answered and when. I also want to be able to hold onto the verses and quotes that got me through both the difficult and easy times.
Because so much is changing. I have written about much of it here, but also much of it I have kept to myself. My marriage is changing. My relationship with my family is changing. My relationship with myself is also changing. And many of those changes need to be understood on paper first before being understood on the Internet.
I may not have an adventure to a far off place planned for the weekend, but at least I can continue to adventure of discovering who I am in this world and who I am in Christ. I'll make sure to report on what I find when the weekend is over. Until then, I'll do my best to continue the story of us.
(title from "missing you" by nick thurmond)