A feeling of peace and of knowing that this time in my life where I need to be washed over me this morning at church. It's a feeling I've clung to for the past several weeks, but this morning it took me by surprise.
I'm thankful for the feeling. The uncertainty and struggle is still fresh in my mind, and I know how dark and destructive the uncertainty and struggle can be. I also know that without the uncertainty and struggle I would be unable to recognize the peace and certainty.
For the first time in months and months, light is shining down on us and on our path. There are still shadows, but I can see where God is leading us - more than just one step at a time. I firmly believe writing has much to do with this because I know the call of the written word was placed on my heart upon my creation; it's just taken me several years to fully consent to the call.
When I wrote this specific novel the first time, I was a senior in college. I had just returned from China. I lived in a two-bedroom apartment with my best friend (and roommate of three years). I worked in a daycare. I spent a lot of nights (and money) on Campus Corner. I was constantly moving and changing and thinking and going, going, going. Now, I am married. I live in a 1700 sq. ft. hours with my husband. I work in social services. I spend my evenings either at home, with our community group, with our church youth group, and so on. It is the first time in my life that I am not going, going, going. I think the stark differences will lead to a much different perspective with the novel, and I hope this is a good thing.
Most authors will tell you that the setting of where the writing takes place is important. And it is. I am still finding my setting for writing. Currently, it is in the corner of our sectional couch. I am hoping this is the right place.
Most authors will also tell you that music is important, and it is. I am currently putting together a playlist specifically meant for times spent writing and thinking about my novel. Much of the music is music I have listened to for years and years, and while I love it, while it inspires me, I need help finding other music. I am going to include a few of the songs I am currently listening to in hopes that I can hear some new suggestions.
- "Simple Together" Alanis Morissette. You've been my golden best friend. Now with post-demise at hand, can't go to you for consolation 'cause we're off limits during this transition.
- "Just Say Yes" Snow Patrol. I'm running out of ways to make you see. I want you to stay here beside me. I won't be ok and I won't pretend I am, so just tell me today and take my hand.
- "I Never Told You" Colbie Caillat. I see your blue eyes everytime I close mine. You make it hard to see where I belong to when I'm not around you. It's like I'm alone with me.
- "On Your Way" eastmountainsouth. All the nights reflecting in our chance connecting help me find the meaning in the life I had with you.
- "Resolution" Nick Lachey. Living life without a plan, finding solace where I stand and learning how to love again, and all I want is something real that I can feel.
- "Beautiful Disaster" Jon McLaughlin. She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant, afraid to see that she's lost her direction. She never stays the same for long, assuming that she'll get it wrong.
- "Comin' Home" City and Colour. I've seen a palace in London. I've seen a castle in Wales. But I'd rather wake up beside you and breathe that ol' familiar smell. I never thought you could leave me; I figured I was the one.
- "Dream" Priscilla Ahn. Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave. I lived it full, and I lived it well; there's many tales I've lived to tell.
- "Been a Long Day" Rosi Galan. I'm finally feeling like its ok to break into a thousand pieces no one can replace. Only I can find my way.
- "Days Like This" Kim Taylor. And all I wanna do is live my life honestly. I just wanna wake up and see your face next to me. Every regret I have, I will go set it free. It will be good for me.