10/31/2010

we're bent by our own plans

thanks to click flash photos
Words seem harder to come by these days. Plenty of thoughts swirl in my head, but I struggle with how to put thoughts into words and words onto website. Some of it stems from wondering how much is too much to share. Some of it stems from just not knowing what to say. And lastly, some of it stems from simply waiting and asking for patience. There's only so much, I feel, I can say about needing patience and giving up worldly goods. The more I talk about it, the more I worry it loses its authenticity.

I know none of this is easy. But we are never promised an easy life or a comfortable life. We're promised a God who loves us, who works all things together for our good. We're promised that God will be present in every situation and that if we seek Him, we will find Him.

Right now, we are seeking. We know He is working. We know He has a plan, but we're not quite sure what it is. Not that it really matters that we know His plans; it just matters that we go where He send us.

I'm a planner by nature. I like to have a firm grasp on how things will play out and when things will happen. You would think that I would have learned that I can't have a firm grasp on everything, but I continue to struggle with clutching onto my timing when God is beckoning me to let go and to follow Him, to allow His timing to be the timing I turn to.

At church this morning, we sang about God's will being the will we ask to be done. Those words are often terrifying to say, and I've struggled with asking His will to be done because so often, I want His will to be my will. This morning, though, I allowed the words to whisper to my heart, and I let go. I hope I don't re-grip my will as I know His will is the one I need to work towards.

We don't know where He leads. But we do know that He is good and that He wants only good things for us. That is in His word and sprinkled throughout conversations I have had this week. I know He is working, shedding light on our path, and helping us to know where to step and when to stop, and I pray He is doing the same for you, leading you to where you need to go.

It's a leap of faith. This letting go and saying "thy will be done." A simple (but difficult and terrifying) leap of faith. We jump into oceans and lakes, trusting we won't crash into rocks or be swept under the water, so why do we struggle with jumping into the life He has planned for us and then following the path He laid out?

Sometimes, for me, it's because I feel alone. Because I'm scared I might be wrong about where He is calling me. Because I don't know if I can actually do it. Then, I remember, that it's not about me; it's about Him. And even though I feel alone, He has equipped me with people to help me, to pray for me, and to love me. Sometimes those people are friends; other times they are people I meet one morning who tell me that they believe God wants to use me (and my husband) to do something great, that He wants to bless us.

So if you feel alone and need or want someone to pray for you as you take a leap of faith and travel the path He has set for you, feel free to email me. I don't have much figured out other than the fact that God loves you (and me and all of us) and that He wants what is best for us - even if we have to travel a long and weather road to arrive at His destination.

(title from "it's out of my hands" by jars of clay)

10/25/2010

no one can take your place

oklahoma sunrise. found here.
I donated three bags of clothes to Goodwill on Saturday. On Sunday evening, we packed two boxes full of DVDs and set the boxes down in the parking lot of an apartment complex. We had considered trading the DVDs in for store credit or money but decided it would be more therapeutic to just give them away. We I also decided it would help us to remain true to my pledge to not shop for DVDs, clothes, shoes, or accessories for the next nine months.

I don't need anything. And I am starting to get to the point where I don't really want anything either. All those years spent of buying, buying, buying hav finally caught up with me. And I know now that I placed too much importance on having things than on what I had. I'm already weighed down by enough things and by enough debt. I'm ready to purge myself of the excess.

I still have excess. Had it not been for my husband's annoying (but loving) prodding I would still have more excess. But rather than holding onto some of the DVDs, I gave them away. And I feel just a bit lighter from it all. I feel like now I have more time to enjoy life, to focus on the things that matter, and to not feel like I have to watch this or watch that. I feel like now I have a reason to be creative with how I wear my clothes and how I spend my time.

Many of the things I gave away were things I said I would wear, said I would watch and then didn't. As I went through my closet and then through our DVD collection, it hit me just how much money and how much time has been wasted on things that have no true weight.

Looking back, we've slowly made our way to this point. Had it been up to my husband, we would have gotten here much more quickly, but I clung to material possessions even though in my heart I wanted to let go earlier. I guess I just wasn't quite ready.

I hope this will continue to spill over and into all our aspects of our lives. Already, we've cut back on eating out (though we still have a ways to go), and it's been almost two months since I last drank Starbucks. At least I think it has been almost two months. I honestly do not remember the last time I ordered a soy vanilla latte from Starbucks.

I'm probably the worst when it comes to eating out during the week. When I get home from work, sometimes I just don't feel like cooking or like having my husband make something. It seems so much easier to drive to Wendy's and order a chicken sandwich. But I know this is also something we need (and want) to cut back on.

Over the weekend, we only ate out once, and the meal we ate out was free as it was for a friend's wedding. The other nights, I cooked, and I received compliments on both meals. I might have a chef somewhere inside of me yet!

I can't do any of this on my own. And I know that while I am doing this for my own good, it is also because I feel the calling on my heart to truly give up the things I've held onto for so long. My husband feels the same, though I can not speak for him on many of these matters. We just know God is leading us to something and that we need to listen to His voice and respond rather than putting it off for another day or time or season in our lives.

I contemplated much of this on my drive to work this morning. I also contemplated other things God is doing, asking for His guidance on decisions we make for our lives. I noticed the sunrise this morning and stopped the contemplating. I simply thanked Him for His beauty and marveled at how intricate the sunrises are every morning. There are no two sunrises that are alike, and this morning, I was able to experience what felt like two sunrises. The east half of the sky was blue with whisps of peach, white and gray clouds. The west half of the sky was pink, purple, and orange. In the center, one cloud extended from the east to the west, joining the two sides and creating the perfect balance of peach with orange, white with pink, and gray with purple.

He's always working, and sometimes, His ways create two beautiful pictures all at once.

Have you considered giving up "stuff"? Why have you or why have you not? Feel free to join me on this journey, and please feel free to hold me accountable!

(title from "forgiven" by skillet)

10/21/2010

I attended the Carrie Underwood concert last night. It was an evening of fun spent with my sister-in-law. Tonight, I ate dinner with friends and then attended a Derek Webb and Shane & Shane concert. My heart is shifting and God is speaking. I'm trying to be quiet in an effort to receive His words. I'm hoping to have something more to write in the next few days, but for now, I wait.

10/17/2010

i will be still

picture found here.
Last night, my husband and I drove north to Edmond and experience worship and a sermon. The worship was led by Jami Smith, a local Christian artist. I've seen Jami Smith perform on one other occasion - outside in Livingston, TX during one of the summers I worked at a camp. Her lyrics are heartfelt, and when you watch her perform, you see Jesus.

Having seen her before made me want to arrive on time to the event. While there were ups and downs and a battle with our toilet earlier in the morning, we made it just in time. My heart was moved by the Lord with worship. I felt Him continuing to stir my heart, continuing to remind me that He has a plan and a purpose for this season in my life. He told me over and over that my worries and struggles and fear were not in vain.

After worship, we fellowshipped with friends and also with others we did not know. We snacked on cheese and crackers, fruit and vegetables, and sipped pink lemonade. Then it was time for the sermon.

Earlier last week, I wrote about my desire to simplify. I mentioned the book The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne. Last night, we listened to Shane Clairborne speak. He talked about living our lives out as ordinary radicals and shared some of the stories from his book as well as other stories. When I wrote the post on October 12th, I did not know days later I would have a chance to hear Shane Claiborne speak. I think, though, the thoughts placed on my heart on Monday were God's way of beginning to prepare me for Saturday night.

After he shared, there was a chance to ask questions and hear his responses. God told me to ask a question, though I wasn't sure what to say. Mine was the last question. The burden was heavy but evidently the Lord. I mentioned my work as a social worker and asked about how to not become hardened with the work of serving others as well as how he has (or if he has) seen a change in families who are struggling within his community. His answer was one I needed to hear, and afterwards, my husband and I had a chance to speak to him outside of the sanctuary.

It's rare to speak with someone and feel like you are in the presence of God. There are many times on Sunday mornings, when we listen to the sermon on Sunday morning and participate in worship, that I am aware of God's presence in the room. But last night was one of the first times I saw Jesus shining through another individual. It was evident how much He was working in and through Shane's life.

I want that. I want to do away with the things of this world and allow for Jesus to shine through. I may not be destined for the life Shane Claiborne leads, but I know God is calling me to lay everything else down. And I am hopeful that with His strength and grace, I will be able.

This morning, Shane Claiborne is preaching at a Methodist church in Norman, and this afternoon, he will speak at Oklahoma City University. We plan to attend the event at Oklahoma City University this afternoon.

God is still sorting out the things that happened last night. He is still filling me up with Him and pushing out the worldliness I lived in for much my life. There is much to pray through. Like so many other times, as well, it is likely that I will not understand all that happened last night (or will happen later today) for right away.

I had the chance to talk through much of it with my husband in the car last night. His heart was equally stirred. He felt an equal calling on his life, a calling which has been occurring over the past several months. Then, I was given the opportunity to speak with a friend who is currently serving overseas. She had seen Shane Claiborne speak as a freshman in college, and it was a blessing to be able to share with her and converse with her about his speaking as well as about the things the Lord is doing in both our lives.

It's not always evident how God is working. I think that's part of His beauty as well as part of the frustration we have. But every now and then, He sheds some light on His ways. I am thankful for those moments and thankful I was given the opportunity to have my heart pierced last night.

(title from "tower" by brad kilman)

10/14/2010

hope is springing up from this old ground

suttons bay, mi sunset.
A little over a month ago, the most amazing thing happened. It was (and still is) unlike anything I have ever experienced. The events of that night changed my life then and continue to change my life now.

For one, I appreciate both the sunrise (which I see on my way to work in the mornings) and the sunset more thna I ever have. I now see those daily events as a remind of God's beauty and His promises. I also see those daily events as a symbol of how, no matter what the circumstances, life continues on. The sun will rise and set no matter the weather, no matter the horrible situations of the world, no matter how willingly (or unwillingly) I get out of bed. There's beauty in that, so much beauty. Sunrises and sunsets are also a reminded that after the darkness there is light. Always.

That night continues to come back to me. Sometimes it sweeps over me and fills me with grace and wonder and love. Sometimes, when I remember, I am filled with impatience and wondering when those promises will come true. Last night, and then this morning when I made coffee and lunch for my husband, I was filled with impatience.

Impatience. And frustration. And discontent. And anger. Then more impatience, more frustration, more discontent, and more anger.

In the past, I've asked for these feelings to be lifted from me. I have asked for direction. And I've gotten some relief and some direction. This morning, though, as I laid in bed with the dogs and remained warm under the covers, I told God about how much I wanted to go out and spend money. I was open with my anger and my frustration. I explained that I was not strong enough to do any of it on my own. I said I wanted to do things my way, in my time, but that I couldn't anymore. And He met me right where I was.

Actually, that's a lie. He more than met me. He showed me my past mistakes, my past attempts at doing things my way (and how they ultimately failed). He then showed me His grace and how, even though I didn't wait for Him as He asked, He loves me enough to care for me even when I push away from Him.

Then, He made me a promise. In my sleepy stupor, He promised that everything would be all right. He promised that He would care for the brokenness, and that He would step in. I'm not sure how it will happen, but I know it will happen. And really that is all I need.

I also know that with this promise comes responsibilty. I have a responsibilty to Him and to follow through with the things He has laid on my heart. Things like living in minalism. Things like pursuing Him and not things of the world. Things like opening my home to others and loving people where they are.

I'm not strong enough to do any of this, but He is. Just as He makes the sun rise and set every day, He will meet me every day I ask and provide me with the strength I need. He will also provide me with the clarity I need, and He will remove the fear I have over letting go of the things of this world in order to make more room for the things of Him.

I won't be perfect through it all, but He will be. I won't be a beautiful sunrise every morning or a peaceful sunset every evening. But He will work through all of my dirt, dust and pollution; and He will clear it all away to make room for a beautiful sunrise and sunset.

(title from "beautiful things" by gungor)

10/12/2010

a song for a heart so big

wichita mountains, oklahoma. 2006.
My husband and I met on a blind date. I called him when I arrived at Barnes and Noble, and we talked on the phone until we were finally face to face. It was an awkward, movie-like meeting. He held in his hand a book - The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne. I didn't pay much attention to the book or to my husband to be honest. I was ready to finish the date and go out with my girlfriends.

I learned later that he bought the book for a friend, the friend who set us up on the blind date to be exact. I also learned later that my husband purposefully purchased the book with me present as a way to impress me. It didn't work then, but I do appreciate the gesture now.

We have a copy of the book. The cover is tattered and worn from my husband reading it. I tried to read it once and then stopped; the book is currently on the floorboard of my car collecting dirt and dust.

Every morning and every afternoon, I see the book in the car. I consider reading it or at least taking it inside after the work day. But I forget to grab it every day. Currently, I am thinking about giving it another chance. I've felt the calling lately to simplify - to really simplify and not just say I need to simplify, and while I know I will not agree with everything in the book (or any book for that matter), I feel like it might be a good start.

I'm far too worried and consumed by the standards of the American dream and how my life measures up. None of it matters, but somehow, I tricked myself into thinking it matters what shoes I wear, how many shoes are in my closet, how often I change my purse, and so one. For years, I shopped when I wanted to or when I felt sad. I used material possession as a way to lift myself up. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work.

I've talked before about simplifying. I've gone so far as to discuss how I can do it, and while I am by no means perfect, I'm slowly getting there. I have not had a drink from Starbucks in over a month. And honestly, I don't miss the vanilla soy lattes. I am perfectly content with the freshly brewed at home coffee and vanilla creamer. I'll miss gingerbread lattes this year, but I don't need them. I also haven't visited Sonic's happy hour in almost a month. There are no new clothes (at least not new in the sense that they were purchased within the last two months) in my closet or new shoes or new purses. I've worn the same purse almost daily for the past two months. It's the little things.

I wish it were easier to not spend money, to be content. And I am sure as more time passes, it will become a bit easier. But right now, it's still a struggle though I am certain that now is the time for me to let go of my love of wordly possessions and find contentment in the things I already have.

It doesn't mean that I just sit at home. I'll still spend weekends at the movies. I'll enjoy a nice dinner out with my husband. In fact, I did all those things this weekend. But it's different because I realize I do not need to do those things in order to be happy.

It's hard to explain, honestly. How do I go from loving fashion and shopping and all those things to suddenly figuring our that none of it really matters? How do I go from feeling like I need a pedicure once a month to deciding to paint my own toenails, even if I do get polish all over my feet? How do you go from eating out 75% of the time to cooking at home and actually eating the lunch you bring to work? It's a choice - just like everything else in life.

There is a quote I have displayed (somewhere) in our house that says the richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least. When I purchased the plaque, I thought it was a nice idea; that was years ago. The truth in those words is finally beginning to resonate.

At the end of the day, nothing we have on earth is ours. It won't go with us when we die. And while, yes, things can make our lives more comfortable, things also lead to this need to have more and more and more. Things also lead to the need to compare ourselves to others.

My house might not be the nicest. There is a constant draft, and the floors creak and moan. The house itself is leaning to the left; the floors slope. We're constantly cold in the winter. But this is the house I have. And at least I have a house. The same can be said for everything else.

I probably won't be a revolutionary like Shane Claiborne. I might not (and probably won't) give up everything I won. But I can at least continue to remind myself of what matters in this world. I can at least lift up the things that will always remain with me.

So here I go with my adventure - the adventure of not spending and not looking and not wanting. Will it be hard? Yes. Will I whine? Yes. Can I do it? Yes.

Here's to hoping you also discover the things that matter most to you. Let me know if you need accountability. I am sure I will.

(title from "hear you me" by jimmy eat world)

10/11/2010

out of chaos life is being found

We had the pleasure of worshipping with a new band on Sunday morning. Our church will soon open a second campus in Oklahoma, and the band from this second campus played on Sunday morning. The worship was heartfelt. Watching the band, I could tell their heart was in the right place - with God. Mine wasn't on Sunday morning. To be honest, my heart hasn't been in the right place for the last several days.

It's not for lack of trying. I want my heart to line up with His desires. I want to shake off the negativity, the worry, the endless questions and just rest in His promises and His presence.

I think He's working in me right now. In fact, I know He is. I can feel Him pushing aside so many things and doing His best to show me what is important in life. He's providing me with the choice to stop and watch His work or to keep going and miss His calling.

I am doing my best to stop and watch. I am praying for patience, for understanding, for a chance to stand still. I am journaling and hoping.

One of the songs from Sunday speaks of how God is making beautiful things out of the dust and out of us. I listened to it twice last night before falling asleep and have played in at least ten twenty times this morning. The lyrics are calming my nerves, reminding me I am not the only one who feels like dust, who wonders if anything worthwhile will grow from the garden of my life. The lyrics are also doing their best to help me to stop and to remember what all He has done so far.

flowers in fishtown, mi
  I've attempted more silence over the past few days in an effort to hear from God, to be reminded by Him of what He is doing. I have also attempted more whispered prayers. So far, I have not received a response, but I am hopeful. He knows what He is doing. So for now, I wait to see what will spring up from the ground.

(title from "beautiful things" by gungor)

10/06/2010

it's more than you can see

Yesterday a friend of mine posed a question on her blog. The question was what would you do if you knew you could not fail. The blog post and subsequent responses can be found here.

The question is one I have asked myself in the past. I even have a decorative plaque in my house with the same question. But for some reason, it fully resonated with me yesterday and settled into the depths of my heart. I've re-asked myself the question and re-answered it as well over the past twenty-four hours.

There are several things I would do. Some are silly, some are serious, and some I am not quite sure what to think.

I would love to: dye my hair pink (at least some streaks), pierce my nose, drive to Michigan this weekend, jump in the freezing cold ocean, get another tattoo, wrestle with the dogs on the floor, paint, take more pictures, and it goes on and on. Those are things I would love to do, things that wouldn't result in failure, but things I want to do but don't.

If failure were not an option, I would play the lottery for one. If I knew I couldn't fail, then I would win. And I wouldn't necessarily need to win the entire lottery. $200,000 (minus the taxes) would be enough for me. It would provide me the money to fix our house, to pay off our debts, to give generously to those in need, and to have an extra cushion wherein we would not have to worry about money. It's strange to say all that since living in US puts us within the most rich out of the entire world, but there it is all the same.

I would also stop making excuses. I would live recklessly and stop holding myself back. This would spill into all aspect of my life including my walk with Jesus, caring for others, working with the youth group at our church, and my friendships. So often, I keep myself at bay and try to quiet my desires because of fear that things would not work out the way I hoped they would.

I would also let go. I would stop feeling as though I needed to be in control. This is such a struggle for me. I want to control every aspect of the life I live and the aspects of life around me. And it's tiring. It is also the exact opposite of what God calls us to be. He's slowly teaching me (and also forcing me) to relinquish control. But, still, there are times when the panic rises up and I grab back onto the control rather than allowing God to guide me through life, my hands open to receive His blessings rather than closed around the things I feel need attention.

I would laugh more. And smile more. Maybe even dance more. And sing more loudly. I don't dance or sing as often/ as loudly as I would like because I am afraid. Afraid of failure silly enough. I'm not as talented in the dancing and singing department as some, and I worry others are judging my lack of talent. So I don't dance or sing. How lovely it would be to no longer care what others thought and just let go! This would open up a whole new world for me and for my walk with Jesus. If I stopped caring about what others thought, my life would blossom like a flower after a fresh spring rain.

And I would write. Preferably full-time but most certainly part-time. Writing is in my blood. I can quiet it sometimes, but the urge and desire to spill words and stories across the page still exists. I think it always has. Even before I would type or write out the letters, I spun stories and tales. I wrote (and illustrated) my first book at a young age about a skunk who gets stuck in a high school and then has adventures in said high school. I spent my adolescent years and well into my college years writing fan fiction and then also writing true fiction. I even took extra English and writing classes in college. And I ultimately graduated with a degree in writing.

But I don't do these things. Instead, I let the fear of failure and of the unknown and of what other people might think grip me. And I think that's why this question resonates so much - especially now.

I desperately want the life I am meant to live. This could be it, my life right now, but it could also be so much more than my human mind can imagine. I fully believe God has a purpose for every life, and I fully believe that the purpose for my life is much more than what I give it credit for.

My husband and I both feel this way. We both feel like there is more out there, but we don't know what. We both desire to not feel stuck (as we often do) in this life, in this house, in this state, and in our jobs. We want freedom, and I think much of our freedom (and the freedom for others) could very well come from no longer being afraid and acting as though we can not fail.

It doesn't mean that we quit our jobs and stop paying our bills or that we run from responsibility. It simply means we figure out our true hopes and dreams and desires and pursue them fully - not in a way that looks like pursual but still leaves us feeling stuck.

I know not all things will happen. It's unlikely that I will win even $100 in the lottery let alone $200,000. But I can do my best to stop making excuses. I can smile more. I can laugh more. I can sing and dance like there is no one else and then not apologize for making anyone feel uncomfortable. And I can write.

I just wish it all weren't so frightening.

(title from "i said" by michelle featherstone)

And now, I pass the question onto all of you. What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

10/04/2010

what can you do with a day

I spent this past weekend doing everything not on my to-do list. This means I didn't get the laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away. I also didn't sweep all the wood floors or dust our windows. And I didn't spend hours writing or reading. Instead, I slept in on Saturday morning and pampered myself with a hair cut and color. I relaxed with my husband that afternoon, and then spent the evening with my sister-in-law and her husband, watching our dogs chase each other around their backyard. We ate homemade venison chili and roasted marshmellows in their firepit. My husband and I went to bed early Saturday night and slept in on Sunday morning. We took our time getting ready for church and then spent a relaxing afternoon at his parent's house before a shopping trip to Target.

It's been a long time since we went to Target together. In the past, when our finances were more insecure than secure, we did our best to stay away from luxuries like shopping trips to Target. Even now, with things slowly working themselves out, we struggle with remembering that sometimes it is okay to purchase a new lamp or a candle.

I'm a self-professed shop-a-holic. If I stay away from stores, it's easier because I don't feel the need to shop or spend money, but lately, I've re-acquainted myself with Internet shopping. So far, I have yet to make any real purchases, but I know that clicking through the pretty clothes and shoes is dangerous. Just as even glancing at the real estate listings on Craigslist is dangerous.

I have enough self-restraint to not shop. I also have enough self-restraint and awareness to understand that purchasing a new home is not going to happen now or anytime soon. It's not the purchasing I am worried about; it's the wanting.

My flesh weighs heavy on me, especially when it comes to wanting things. It's always been a struggle for me - this need to shop and to have the next thing. My younger self used shopping as therapy. It was a wonderful way to recover from a bad day, but I've found that shopping as therapy never fixes anything. It only leads to owning more than I need, which eventually leads to stress as I try to figure out what to donate, what to throw away, and what to keep as well as where to store the items I keep.

Yesterday, I didn't need anything we purchased. It was helpful to get new lamps for our bedroom since our dogs knocked our original bedroom lamp over and broke it, along with a vase, on Saturday morning. I didn't need to purchase the pumpkin pie candle or the nail polish. I recognize that. And I also recognize that I am done with shopping for non-necessities for this month. Completely done.

And so, my flesh hangs heavy on me. This is not who I want to be, this person who compares myself and my life and my things to other people and their lives and their things. Life is not a competition, even though I often live it like it is.

I made a decision yesterday that for the month of October I would not look at real estate listings. It's not good for my mind or my soul when I do. Instead, I am going to focus on loving our house and making a list of the improvement projects we will eventually get to. I need a goal to work towards and that goal should (and will) be improving our house - not purchasing a new home.

It's hard to feel positive about much right now. There is so much good, yes, but today my flesh hangs heavy on me. And this morning, I rolled my right ankle on my way out to my car. I sat on the damp grass, my lunch and purse spilling out around me, my coffee thankfully not spilled but sitting in it's mug on the sidewalk. I prayed that I would be okay, and after a few minutes, I stood up. I limped to the car and tossed my belongings into the passenger seat, and then I limped back inside to find a brace for my ankle. The pain was there but tolerable.

I'm at work now. I've spent the majority of the day without shoes on, my ankle propped on a cardboard box sitting on a chair. I've iced it some and limped around the office when needed. It hurts; it's swollen, but so far no bruising. I am just praying it's a sprain and that I'll be healed.

So as I take it easy on wanting things, on searching the Internet and on shopping, I am also taking it easy on my body. There won't be much cleaning of the house this afternoon. There will be no lunchtime workout. There will just be rest and icing and elevation.

The last time I hurt myself was months before I left for China. I tripped and fell over an oversized stuffed duck. There were four broken bones in my right foot, and I was in a walking boot for over six-weeks. I'm praying there will never be another break like that, but I do know that during that time I learned to lean on others for support and spent more time with Jesus than I had in the past.

I know this injury will be used. It might be the catalyst to make me slow down in my daily life and to cease my pridefulness in wanting things done a certain way. Or it just might be a chance for me to further learn about and see how God can heal our brokenness. I'm just praying for a quick recovery, for no further injuries, and for patience on my part.

(title from "closer to me" by dar williams)

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