weight loss wednesday (week 3)

Today’s Weight: 225

Total Loss: 40 pounds (I gained 0.5 pounds over the last week.)

celebrating 4 years of marriage friday night

What I craved this week: Nothing. And that wasn't a good thing - obviously. I craved nothing because I ate whatever I wanted and called it a "celebration" because we did lots of celebrating this weekend.

There was pizza on Thursday night, fancy dinner on Friday night & ice cream, Mediterranean food on Saturday night, Steak N Shake and homemade cupcakes on Sunday... And then I went to the State Fair on Monday with a group of teens and elementary school age kids.

What I noticed was different about my body: My butt. It's (finally!) getting smaller and firmer. Now I just need to make sure that most of the rest of me starts doing the same thing.

Workouts planned for this week: I'm scheduled to work out with my trainer tonight (Wednesday) and also Saturday morning. I need to figure out when else to fit in work outs. The more I work out the better I eat. The better I eat the more energy I have. And the more energy I have the more weight I lose. Everything is tied together, and it is really time for me to start getting it together once again.

Personal Goal(s) for this week: Make good decisions with what I choose to put in my body. I can enjoy things in moderation but moderation is key (and what I struggle with the most). I mean who really only wants a half-cup of ice cream? I personally want several cups - which is why I am stuck at 40 pounds lost.

Favorite Quote(s) for this week:

inspecting the backyard and surveying the back porch.

What I'm looking forward to: The next chapter. We finally closed on our old house this past Monday. It's so surreal to be done with that chapter and moving onto a new house. Our new house is now fully framed (the picture to the right is just of the bottom floor framing - I don't have one of both floors framed [bad blogger]), and it's scheduled to be done in under 60 days. Once the house is built and we close, the real fun (and frustration I'm sure) begins. There will be lots of weekend projects, lots of estate sales, lots of planning and changing.

I'm so looking forward to the next chapter. To making things for the house. To strengthening friendships and inviting people over for dinner and games, to hosting watch parties, to building a home and a family in our brand new, blank slate house. To starting over and fresh while staying right where I am.

weight loss wednesday (week 1)

I'm starting over - again.

I feel that's all I ever do. It's been well over a year since I began this journey, and I've still only lost about 40 pounds. I'm so ready to be able to say I am halfway to my goal and down a whole 50 pounds. But I know I have to do the work to win the prize of 50 pounds lost.

Earlier today, I logged back into My Fitness Pal for the first time in months and logged my breakfast, AM snack, and lunch. There's a going away party tonight at the group home, so I know there won't be as many healthy option as I would like. But it is time to stop making excuses about why I can't eat healthy (re: free food) and stop saying no to the ice cream.

So much of my lack of self-control has had to do with the uncertainty and change that currently define my life. We're living with my in-laws, building a brand new house, and still waiting for our old house to close. I'm working two jobs and trying to fit in exercise when I can. Add the fact that I feel a little (okay a LOT) a bit uncertain about my future and feel very out of place in a world where all my friends from high school on are starting families and also out of place because I have no desire to be pregnant ever but instead want to foster/adopt and it all turns into a disaster of eating.

And do I mean eating, Mazzio's pizza buffet has been a constant over the past two weeks. I feel awful after I eat there but turn to it as soon as I feel like my day is too much to handle.

On the other side, I want to eat out every single meal when I'm with my husband. Because it's fun and a great date night. And really who wants a salad when you could have something else?
I can't do these things anymore. I can't turn to food for comfort or fun. I need to see it as fuel. I watch what kind of gas I put in my car, so I need to definitely watch what kind of food I put into my body.

One of the girls I knew in college is also in the midst of a weight loss journey. She’s down 50 pounds, ran 8 miles earlier in the week, and looks incredible. I want to be where she is, but I know I have to do the work she does.

So I’m stealing a post from her and using it for my own benefit. She calls it Healthy Train Tuesday; I’m going to call it Weight Loss Wednesday.

Today’s Weight: 225 (it’s finally time for me to look at that number on the scale and admit it to the world so I no longer let it define me.)

Total Loss: 40 pounds.

What I craved this week: So far I’ve craved pizza (and haven’t eaten it!), popcorn (which I ate a lot of Monday night), diet coke, a hamburger (which I haven’t and WON’T eat), and frozen yogurt (which I ate on Tuesday).

What I noticed was different about my body: I feel better. My liver enzymes are finally back to normal and will STAY that way. No more elevated enzymes or englarged liver for this girl!

Workouts planned for this week: I’m working out with the trainer tonight. And then I’m going to force myself to go to the gym tomorrow morning and Friday morning. Saturday morning I am doing a 3 mile walk around the zoo to raise awareness for suicide prevention.

Personal Goal(s) for this week: Track everything I eat. Limit the amount of carbohydrates I eat. Sweat a whole lot while working out. Drink more water that diet coke. Pray a LOT about EVERYTHING. Stick to it. I have given up so much in my life (weight loss, relationships) when things get tough and I need to prove to myself that I can (and WILL) follow through.

Favorite Quote for this week: You have entered a season of change where old things are ending before new doors will open. These changes will take place on a variety of levels and will produce a sense of discomfort. You might even experience some level of anxiety. But, at the very least you will have that out-of-pocket feeling. Do not overreact to your feelings. This is a period of temporary adjustments along the way, for I am positioning you for greater liberty of body, soul and spirit, says the Lord. Don't be afraid. --Marsha Burns

What I'm looking forward to: No longer being afraid. Believing in myself and rebuilding my confidence. Not giving up with any aspects of my life - no matter how hard it is to stick with it and hang in there.

take all the courage you have left

About two weeks ago, I decided to start reading again. I haven't made time for the written word in far too long, so I committed to it once more. I'm on my fourth (or fifth? - I've lost track) book in the past two weeks now. Reading has awakaned my heart and spirit. It's made me excited to write more - both on my blog and with my current work in progress (WIP).

I'm still figuring out time. How this all works when I'm working, working, working. But God is good, and I know He will lead me towards where He wants me to be.

Thank you, Laurie, for tagging me and reminding me just how important reading and writing is to my soul. It was your tag that helped me remember and rediscover words.

1. What is the title of your book/WIP?
I think it's going to be Second Chances. I've also considered This Time Around. It could change, though, depending on how the story plays out.. I may use whichever title I don't choose for this WIP and apply it to the second book as I think I want this story to be a series.

2. Where did the idea for the WIP come from?
I've worked in the realm of foster care and child welfare for over four years now. I started as a social worker, changed to a foster care specialist, and am now working as a social worker in a group home setting (part-time). Working with those kids is my heart, and I want to bring more awareness to foster care. That's how I decided to approach the subject of foster care. The rest of the story? I'm not sure exactly how I got the idea... God breathed I suppose!

3. What genre would your WIP fall under?
I hate genre's to be honest because I don't know if anything I write fits into one true genre. I think the WIP will be one women enjoy more. So maybe chick lit? I've been reading quite a bit of Karen Kingsbury lately and so I want the story to be inspirational -- just not sure I want to commit to it being a piece of Christian fiction.

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?
Shayla Johnson would be played by Sophia Bush. Sampson Douglas would be played by Justin Timberlake. Abigail Thomas would be played by Amy Adams (but with frizzier hair). Emily Johnson would be played by Jennifer Lawrence. Noah Douglas would be played by Jackson Brundage.

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your WIP?
Shay spent 17 years of her life being shuffled from foster home to foster home before escaping six months prior to turning 18. Years later, she finds herself back in the town she ran from, opening her home to a 15-year-old girl whose life mirrors her own.

6. Is your WIP published or represented?
I wish! It will be one day; I truly believe that.

7. How long did it take you to write?
I'm still working on it, so it's not yet written. I've been considering it for about seven months and started working on it back in January. I am ready to tackle it full force though I am a bit (read: A LOT) nervous.

8. What other WIPs within your genre would you compare it to?
I'm not sure. The only story close to what I'm working on (that I know of) is Between Sundays by Karen Kingsbury.

9. Which authors inspired you to write this WIP?
Karen Kingsbury. Jennifer Weiner. Megan Crane. Caprice Crane. Liza Palmer.

10. Tell us anything else that might pique our interest in your WIP.
The WIP is not as straight forward as the summary shows. There are a lot of twists and turns that I can't (and won't!) put into the summary as I don't want to give anything away. It's a WIP I am loving and constantly thinking about. I feel like I know these characters better than any others I've ever written.

What about you? Do you have a WIP? If so, please tell me about it!

(title from "little lion man" by mumford & sons)

now i'll be bold as well as strong

Today I start over - yet again.

I keep telling myself that I've got this. I know what to eat and how much to eat. I understand how important exercise is and that nutrition is even more important. I've seen the number on the scale shrink along with my waistline. But I still let myself trip up.

It just takes one time for me. One diet coke. One order of Chicken McNuggets. Just one and all my hard work is forgotten as I eat McDondald's for a second, third, fourth, and fifth time. Just one, and I forget how much I need water and instead want nothing more than a huge, ice cold diet coke.

Some people can enjoy those things in moderation. Maybe one day I will be a some people. But today I am not.

The past few weeks have been some of the hardest I've experience recently. We moved out of our house and in with my in-laws. The move was quick, and we anticipated the closing on our house - the official end to one chapter of our lives. But instead, the closing has been pushed back five times and we continue to wait to sign on the dotted line and hand the keys over to the new owners,

I've worked more than normal. While 60 hour work weeks aren't easy, I adjusted to them and they became my new normal. But the past few weeks have brought 70+ hour work weeks, and I simply can not adjust. I've spent most of my weekends sleeping in and napping. Thankfully I've been able to work week adjust and stay home late some of the mornings. I think that's been the only saving grace.

And exercise? What is that? I did so well for so long. I decided to invest in myself and hired a personal trainer. I could feel and see the differences just a few weeks in, but then one evening, after an especially grueling session of step-ups and squats, I sat down on the step for a break and almost cried. Something was wrong with my knee.

It didn't hurt when I walked - only when I bent it. We took it easy for the rest of that session and the one following that. Then over a week went by with no work outs. I had what is commonly called runners knee, also known as iliotibial band syndrome.

To me it was my worst fears coming true. And I fell apart. The busyness, the lack of a closing, being injured.. it was all too much. So I turned inward and let myself seek comfort in diet coke and food that did nothing good for my body or my soul.

Through it all, I've prayed. I've sought guidance from the Lord and asked for strength. There have been lots of tears, but He has met me where I am. Now it is time for me to meet Him where He is waiting for me.

So I am back on track. Sitting at my computer and writing. Reading blogs I've just barely glanced at in a month. Signing up to do guest posts. Purchasing fruit from the grocery store. Promising myself that I'll once again drink unsweet tea with lots of lemon or water and not diet coke. Reminding myself that I've come too far to go back to where I started.

And hoping that maybe there are others who understand, other who struggle, others who will recommit with me.

I know I have to have a plan or else I'll be back where I started today. My lifestyle is hectic and makes it difficult to cook and plan every meal but not impossible. Nothing is impossible if I set my mind to it.

With that in mind, my plan is this:

I need to simply remember. Remember why I want this. Why it is important. Why I can not and will not give up. Because it's not going to stop being hard. My life is not going to stop being busy. Only I can change my perspective. Only I can be disciplined enough to remember and never forget. Only I can be disciplined enough to keep going even when it seems I am doing nothing right and it seems like the hard work will never pay off. Because one day the hard work will be worth it. One day I will be a success story. One day I will look back at this moment and know that I did it because I chose to be disciplined.

(title from "i will wait" by mumford & sons)