sometimes it really seems like a mystery
The solitude gives me a chance to think. It allows me the opportunity to breathe in and mull over a variety of subjects.
Today I've been thinking about marriage. I wanted to work on the seventh installment of The Story of Us. But I can't seem to focus on the details right now. Instead, I'm focusing on marriage itself.
I joined several friends for dinner last night. Due to weather and illness and life, we haven't gathered in several weeks.
It was a group of 12. We ordered pizzas, drank water, and played catch up. With such a large group, it's difficult to have just one conversation, so four of us settled into a conversation on marriage and weddings and all that that entails.
I used to dream about my wedding - even when I didn't want to get married. It helped to calm me down and put me to sleep when I was having difficulty bidding the day farewell. I knew I wanted an outdoor ceremony. I knew I wanted the ceremony to be extremely personal.
And ours was all of those things. But by the time I started planning our wedding, I cared less about the wedding than I did the marriage. I did not want to fall into the trap of worrying over every little detail and then not thinking about the lifetime that would come after the ceremony.
I see that as a blessing. I saw it then and I see it now especially. Marriage is extremely difficult. Everyone says that, but until you begin living life with the same person every day, the statement doesn't hold as much weight. At least that's how it was for me.
Our wedding was not large. And while it wasn't as stressful as it could have been, the day itself (and the week leading up to it) did not exactly go as planned. There was a hurricane hitting my parents home on the day of the wedding, and it rained throughout the whole day leading up to our ceremony.
I refused to move the ceremony inside, and as my father led me to my now husband, it stopped raining. The ground was damp, and my dress turned from an off-white to a light brown at the feet. It took our mothers several tries to light the candles we would use to light our unity candle, and after our unity candle was lit, the wind blew it out.
Some could say it was a bad omen. But now, two years, six months, and three days later, I think all of it was a part of God's plan.
He's been speaking to me lately. His voice is soft, and I do have to strain to hear it. But He is telling me that everything is in His control and that He knows what He is doing. Just like He did on September 13, 2008. He was the one who stopped the rain. He was the one who provided just enough cloud cover to allow for perfect lighting when pictures were being taken.
I've always said God blessed our marriage when He stopped the rain that day, but I don't know if I have always believed it.
But I do now.
More rain may come. It might seem like it will continue to rain - pour even. But I know God will stop the rain at just the right time.
(title from "timing is everything" by garrett hedlund)