nothings quite the same now

picture from here.
God is working in my life. He is moving and changing. I had prayed for these changes. I asked Him to do something.

In my asking, I expected the something to be something big. Winning the lottery. An increase in salary. My husband being offered a promotion. Worldly things. All of them. I wanted the problems we face on a daily basis to disappear. I wanted my worries to disappear because then, I reasoned, I could give all of myself to Him and I could surrender everything to Him. I would be able to walk in the life God wanted me to.

I am so grateful that at times the answers to my prayers are "no." It's not a mean answer or one of anger, but it's one of love. As we heard in the message on Sunday, thank goodness for a God who loves enough to discipline us when we need it. Thank goodness for a God who sees our needs in a way we do a not. He is a God who looks past the wordly problems and sees into our hearts.

My struggles are not because of the problems I face on a daily basis. Does those problems increase my struggles? Maybe. But only because I give those problems power. Only because I waste my time thinking up solutions and worry about other problems that might arise. I might pray about these things, but I don't really take them to God. Instead, I decide I can handle everything on my own.

In some way, I have decided that God gave me this personality. He provided me with the ability to problem solve. He created me as a worrier. So why not problem solve? Why not worry?

I'm seeing now that that thought process is not what He wants from me. I think He wants to teach me how to let go and how to not worry. And just maybe I can then in turn teach others how to do the same.

I could be wrong. He might have a completely different plan, and I'm starting to see that that is okay. It's okay if things do not go according to my plan or the plan I think God is leading me down. After almost twenty-six years of life, I can say it's okay. At least for now.

This all could change in an hour or in a day. I know what I am saying is truth. I know that God is in control, but I also understand that trusting Him and relinquishing control are two of the hardest things for me to do.

I had it all figured out. In fact, I had a timeline that I wanted my life to follow. It's a timeline that includes how we will pay our bills, when we will sell our house, fostering/adopting children, and etcetra. I should have thrown out the timeline long ago, but I didn't. I also didn't truly consult God when I created the timeline. I didn't consult my husband, either.

And I'm seeing now just how important it is to include God in everything. And how important it is to not live my life based on a timeline. Because none of the things that I think matter really do.

God has a plan. For my life. And I need to trust in His plan. He knows where He wants me, and it's best that I agree with His desires and follow the path He is laying out before me.

There's been so much talk at church and in our community group about God's direction. I've taken it literally and asked for Him to show me where He wants to be go. No specific answer has been given. But after discussing the book of Jonah and the current sermon series on Tuesday nigth with our community group, God has shown me that it's not a specific place He wants me to go. His version of "east" and my verson of "west" is all a matter of the heart.

So I'm turning around. I'm leaving behind my selfish desires and my plans. I'm going towards Him and His plans. I'm leaning into Him and trusting Him to show me how to go. And I hope this pours out into all aspects of my life because He needs (and wants) to be a part of it all.

Faith is no irresponsible shot in the dark. It is a responsible trust in God, who knows the desires of your hearts, the dreams you are given, and the goals you have set. He will guide your paths right.
Robert Schuller


Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future. It's simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step.
Joni Erickson Tada


No matter how steep the mountain - the Lord is going to climb it with you.
Helen Steiner Rice


The Lord will either calm your storm...or allow it to rage while He calms you.

(title from "best i ever had" by vertical horizon)

The She Speaks Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God and that your heart is to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads. A Holy Experience is giving a scholarship. Enter. Maybe one of us will be awarded the scholarship.

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