weight loss wednesday (week 22)

Starting Weight: 265 lbs.

Goal Weight: 155 lbs.

Today’sFriday's Weight: 221.4 lbs.

Total Loss: 43.6 lbs.

I thought about not posting this week. After all, it's not like I can really weigh in what with my walking on crutches and wearing a knee immobilizer. But if I skipped posting, then I thought the knee surgery would win. And I refuse to let this surgery and injury win any more than it already has.

Also I am learning a lot. Some good; some not so good. And I wanted to make sure to share all of it.

Pounds Left To Lose: 66.4 lbs.

What I craved this week: I want comfort food. I think that's pretty normal seeing as how I am at home recovering. And I have enjoyed some comfort food - like Americone Dream ice cream from Ben & Jerry's. But here's the thing... In the past, I would have eaten the entire container of ice cream in one sitting. This time, I ate the container of ice cream over several days - three separate sittings. Would it have been better not to eat the ice cream? Yes, but at least I now know that I can be satisfied with a serving instead of an entire container.

rocking my dirty 30 shirt while healing

What I noticed was different about my body:  This is a hard question this week. All I've done lately is lie on the couch and sit in a chair. It's hard to walk on crutches because my knee hurts and also because walking on crutches itself is hard.

I also haven't showered in several days. The surgeon said I could shower 48 hours after surgery so long as I kept my knee straight and redressed the knee. But it's just me, my mom and my husband. And just standing is exhausting - let alone showering. So I've been content with sponge baths and hair up in a bun. Fresh deoderant and body splash also goes a long way!

All of this has made me want a better body, yes, but more than that, it's made me appreciate the body I have right now.

My body has stretch marks. And it's not as toned as I would like. But it is still my body. Right now, my body is healing. It's providing me with the strength to heal. Right now my body is amazing, and even though I might not notice it in the mirror, I feel it inside.

Workouts planned for this week: None.

I honestly don't know when I'll get to workout next. Yes, I have the ability to do upper body work outs, but right now, it's hard to sit up for longer than a few minutes. So I am resting and healing.

It's funny, though. I chose not to work out for weeks. I made other aspects of my life the priority. But now that I don't really have a choice, I want to get back into the gym more than anything else.

I'm going to hold onto that desire. Because I know it could disappear easily. It would be so easy to just give up. But I don't want to do that. So even though I can't work out now, I can focus on how I will work out later.

I'm looking forward to swimming, going to spin class, walking/running a 5k outside, and learning how to ride a bike. I am going to focus on those things as I recover. Because I will be active again.

Personal Goal(s) for this week: I want to remain focused. Focused on future work outs. Focused on eating well this week. Focused on drinking lots of water. Focused on being positive. Focused on not giving up.

Favorite Quote(s) for this week:

Thanks again to Sam at The Ruby Turtle Hippie Times for this format. I am linking up with her, and you should too!

This week has been hard. I shared a little about my fears, but there is so much more to what has made this week hard.

It's been hard because I've had a lot of realizations hit me all at once. Most of them have to do with healthy living and weight loss. Some of them have to do with other aspects of my life.

I've realized just how much I've half-assed this healthy living. I've made so many bad choices with my eating. Even when I say I won't, I always choose ease over what's right. It's why I haven't made it to the gym in the morning or after work. It's why I end up going through the drive-thru instead of eating food out of my kitchen.

Yes, I work a lot. But I need to stop letting that be the reason I don't eat healthy. No amount of money is worth giving up my health. I really have realized that this week. I am more important. And I need to put myself first. That doesn't mean I give up on working or anything like that. It just means that I put myself first and ensure that I have time to eat well and sweat at the gym.

I've also realized how important food is. Having my mom here for the week has ensured we eat well. There's been spaghetti squash with feta, stuffed bell peppers, and healthy turkey wraps. Honestly the food has tasted better than the processed crap I usually eat.

I've also eaten less. It helps that I can't make it to the kitchen whenever I want. And it helps that my mom has been the one to prepare plates and meals. I know that I have to continue it all when she leaves. And I know that I want to continue it.

I'm in charge of my journey, and it's time for me to truly take charge instead of letting circumstances and life to take charge. I have to put myself first... Otherwise I am always going to be last.

And I refuse to put myself last any longer.