It's not just three years of blogging. At least not to me.
For me, it's three years of sharing my life. Three years of seeking out community in any way I can. Three years of defining, and redefining, my voice as a writer. Three years of searching my heart and allowing God to do works on my heart. Three years of striving to live a healthier life.
And I'm excited for the next three years. The next three years I will spend here blogging.
I'm also struggling. Because of the knee surgery and the subsequent recovery. I had hopes of returning to work day ago and then today. Now I'm just hoping to be able to head back to work before the month of February ends.
I was optimistic when I first learned I would need surgery. And I've held onto that optimism, as much as possible, during the recovery process. But the further I get into recovery, and the farther I feel from my real life, the harder it is to hold onto that optimism. The optimism feels silly. Like I should give it all up and succumb to realism.
And maybe it is silly. Or maybe it's misguided.
My optimism has been on how I would excel at recovery from knee surgery. The surgeon gave me timelines, and I was determined that my recovery into those timelines. A return to work in a week? Done. Back to normal activities in three to four weeks? Done and in three weeks. Those timelines, though, were not realistic for me or for the surgery I had.
I didn't return to work in a week. I haven't returned to work at all, and tomorrow will mark two weeks post-surgery. My next appointment with the orthopedic surgeon is scheduled for February 19th - just over three weeks post-surgery. I know when I see the surgeon that I won't be cleared to return to all the activities I did before surgery.
Many of my moments have been spent frustrated. And angry. And hating that I have to ask for help. What I haven't done is spend my moments with thankfulness. I've been given the chance, or forced into the chance, to spend time at home. And it's my choice on how I spend that time.
Most of my time has been spent on the couch. I've enjoyed endless episodes of Glee and a few movies sprinkled with episodes of Nashville, Grey's Anatomy, and Hart of Dixie. And I've blogged.
What I haven't done is write. Really write. My work in progress. It's open right now, minimized to the corner of my screen, and waiting for me to spend real time with it. And now, with no plans for the next several days, I have no choice but to just jump in. To ignore every terrifying thought and give myself over to the words.
Sometimes we make things happen. I made this blog happen. The posts are my words and my thoughts. But sometimes things happen to us. My knee dislocated while I was walking down the stairs, and I had to have knee surgery which resulted in all this time off work.
When we make things happen, or when things happen to us, we always have a choice. That choice is what are we (you) going to do when things happen? Are you going to wallow in frustration? Or are you going to constantly and continuously wallow when life happens and doesn't go according to plan?
I've wallowed enough. Now I'm choosing to celebrate.
I'm celebrating three years of blogging, more time to dedicate to my blog, and the opportunity to write. I'm celebrating the chance to rest, for optimism in spite of obstacles, and never giving up. I'm celebrating the future and the next three years.